Out of the Dark and into the Light.....

[Jimbo]

No contact is easier now that she knows she can enjoy time with you.

Not sure I'm tracking w/ you on this- please explain?

You have said you had no contact with her for awhile so she got used to that. Out of sight, out of mind. It is easier for some people to not deal with their problems unless they are right in front of them.

When you and your W met up last week she may have come that day thinking she was going to have a 10 - 30 minute conversation with you about taxes. What she wasn't expecting is a wonderful time with you. It threw her for a loop. Now she doesn't know how to handle it so instead of dealing with it, she is going to hide again.

She will try to push you away again. As I said, panic mode set in and she doesn't know what to do. Her defense mechinism says to stay away and not deal with it. No physical contact. She can put the stuff in the mail and not have to worry about seeing you. Seeing you and knowing the enjoyment of that night may have dug down deep within her and stung. Now she doesn't know what to do or how to handle the emotions she felt that night.

My stbx was the same way. We would spend a few hours together or have a nice lengthy phone conversation and I would think things were beginning to look up but then BAM, all of a sudden he went back in his shell. He would get scared. Their tendency is to hide from everything.

You know a person going thru MLC lives is in their own little world. When someone invades it, it sets off lots of little alarms. It causes them to back pedal and run for cover.

Sometimes I wonder if the guilt eats at them so much that when they do have a good time they punish themselves. Maybe they feel no contact is punishing them somehow. They don't see clear enough to realize it hurts us in the process.

It is like a horse with blinders on. They see what is straight ahead of them but can't see out of the corner of their eyes. When they get a glimpse of something to the side, they get spooked and run. She is running from the good time she had. She was not prepared for it.

OK, now I understand:

"No contact is easier [on her] now that she [has to face up to the fact that she] knows she can enjoy time with you."

Yes?