I wanted to answer something which is the crux of why I'm stil here. Yes, as K said, I still love him, but theres something else I am struggling with, espeically after chatting to him for an hour and twenty!
Naej, you raised something that others perhaps think "you find it hard to let go off this rel. because you feel this might be your last chance-which btw is utter rubbish"
..actually, I've never once debated that with myself, I've never felt, or weighed up the prospect that this R is my last chance and thats why I hang on. Its not that at all. The problem I have is...(and I analysed this some months ago, typical me!).. of all the people I have ever met in my life, male, female, through school, at work.. my ex is my favourite person. If I had to choose one friend to be on a desert island with, I'd choose him.
He's funny, very funny, sweet, charming, kind, soft, never ever once raised his voice to me, considerate, deeply caring (he used to lay out his clothes in another room at night, so the rustling wouldnt wake me when he dressed in the morning, for example), he was ALWAYS right behind me, supportive of everything and anything I wanted to do (right up until this flat project, and then he, quite rightly snapped), he was proud of me, my biggest fan, my best friend, my rock and most importantly, he 'gets me' like noone else really. And from what he has said before and since we broke up, I was all these things to him too, strangely. I'm blessed with some great BFF's, but I still could be 100% honest with him more so than even BFF, because an R with a partner is that little bit more intimate isnt it, so there is a difference. On top of that, yes he's flawed and depressive, but I never tired of his company or complained about him, ever.
And I miss all that terribly. Guess its that soulmate feeling, for me anyway. Thats why I have hung on.
and its makes me cry just to remember all of that. Guess I need more time to get over him.
