Yes, all of it. After the 1st A, MC for 1 year. Also attended a Marriage conference weekend.
When he left, I started IC, reading the DB books and many others. I did the GAL. All of that seemed to have an effect on him, as he wanted to come home. At that point I had some boundaries, Honesty and we go back to MC. Which he did but with as little effort possible. Didn't make it a priority and when he did go, everything was hunky dory from his perpective. I see now that I didn't even get honesty.
Not long before I discovered the phone bills, I could tell I was feeling emotionally empty again. No "real" connection. I was posting on the SSM thread for a while, as I was trying to "own" my share of this.
Then I find out about this OW. I just blow, told him it was over for a few days and that I was done with his cr@p. That I could never trust him as he didn't give me the opportunity (again) to decide for myself when he came home, if I was able to start our R over again, knowing that he had been involved this this second OW. We go to MC and I flat out say this R is over unless you get IC because you have a problem with allowing yourself to "emotionally connect" with unsafe people but can't with your own W and that you have a problem with "lying". Another requirement was "transparency" which he has a problem with, would rather just sweep everything under the carpet. The last requirement was the polygraph. I flat out told him that I don't believe a word he says anymore and that was the only way I could confirm or deny what he says.
Oh yeah, I told him I wanted to talk to this latest OW. Which I did but I don't believe her for many reasons (he had time to prep her, she sounded ackward and like she was hiding something and also sounded like she had some men issues).
OK, maybe he does want me but, at what point has he crossed the last line in the sand. When is ok to stand up for myself and get what I need.
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
Well....he's in a rock and a hard place. If he tells you, you leave him and move on with your life. He made the decision to come home. He chose you. He wants you.
Now that he is back, you can't expect everything to magically be great. You need to work at repair work. Have you gone to counseling together? Read books and discussed? Gone to Retrouvaille together? Joined a support group together?
