Just started following your thread. Seems to have a lot in common with my sitch. I really identify with your fears about growing and healing in different directions, and struggle with how far to detach and how to stay supportive for a W who needs both support and space to heal.
I understand exactly what you are saying when you talk about needing space and time to heal yourself. I am trying to find the time to do just that.
Good luck and keep up the good work.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.