Ask her. I know a thought that persevered in my head for a while was that I was so angry that "my husband MADE me get to a place in my life where I felt the need to seek someone else for love". I placed blame on him, and it was wrong. But, when you are so angry and hurt and facing what you have done, these things come up even if it isn't fair. I thought, "Why couldn't he have made me feel special?!!! Why did he treat me like I didn't exist as a woman???!!!" These are the things that I had to work through slowly but surely. These are things you'll need to communicate. That's why Sara recommends Retrouvaille to you. Communication is big and you and your wife have a hard time with it. She does especially. Some people don't get what they want out of Retrouvaille, but communication is the main component of it, and you guys are needing that right now. SHE needs it for sure.
