Probably made a mistake, but went ahead and cleared the air with W yesterday afternoon. She came to pick up D(1) and I asked what she was looking for in the negotiation. Told her I was adamant about being the primary residential custodian because I had serious concerns about her behavior. Went ahead and laid it out there that even though I know what I know, that I was still willing to go to counseling and see if saving the M is possible.

Told her there was nothing 'special' about OM, that she'd have done the same thing no matter who it was. Asked her if she'd advise D(1) to do the same thing if she had M problems in the future.

Told her I wasn't angry, that I wanted her to be happy, etc. I was critical in asking if she thought her mom would be happy funneling her retirement savings away on legal fees just because she was screwing around and couldn't handle being in a M.

Basically lots of things that didn't do anything to help the M, but things I needed to unload about once anyway.

Result so far, she canceled the negotiation tomorrow, said I couldn't take D(1) the following weekend to visit family, and so I've responded by filing a request for a psychological evaluation. I strongly suspect something along the lines of Borderline Personality Disorder - and I've got about 4 years worth of journal entries she wrote as supporting evidence.

So it will be a fight. Negotiating with someone who is a WAW + OM + mental issues is an exercise in futility.

"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."