Alright, I totally hate to see a parent type this:
Originally Posted By: silvagod
I know it's hard on the kids going through all this. They are remarkably resilient though and adjust very quickly.
Even a rubber band, although it will go back to its original shape after you stretch it, is not resilient enough to return to its exact former shape. It is still affected by the stretching. So many people treat children like rubber balls in a divorce--"Oh they will bounce back." No, they won't. When my parents divorced, my mom did not lean on my sister or I. She did not confide in us. We were 13 and 15 at the time. We figured it out on our own what was going on. Before my dad left, my parents never really argued, there was no shouting in my house. Things ran on a fairly even keel.
Then, in one day, my entire life changed. My dad was gone. He walked out while I was lying sick on the sofa. The last thing he said as he walked out the door was "I can't deal with this sh!t". That was 25 years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday. It took me 24 years to forgive my father and stepmother. It is only through the grace of God that I have come to this point.
My mother never bad-mouthed my dad or stepmom, no matter how much crap they dished out. My stepmonster, on the other hand, took every opportunity to talk crap about my mom, me, or my sister, depending on who she was talking to. She lived for playing both sides against the middle. And my dad let her do it.
The scars of divorce will stay with a child all their life. No matter how well the parents try to handle things, no matter how old the kids are, they will still wonder what they did wrong, how they could change it, what could they do to get mom and dad back together. As adults, it will cloud their judgement when looking for their own spouse, if they even consider marriage at all. They will try to find everything they think their parents were not, in an effort to keep it from happening to themselves. Or, they will life with a guard up, afraid to let someone get to close so that they cannot be hurt.
I am sorry for my tirade, but I absolutely hate to see someone use that phrase. I heard it when my parents divorced, I heard it both times my sister divorced, and I heard it when my DH left. The counselors at the school have used it and friends have said it about their own kids. But over the years, I have not seen kids "bounce back".
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7