Hi friends, good to see you are still around to watch me and my insanity...
addie, that book is good. I dont know if you act like I did, I have a slight suspicion that you dont. The thing is, I felt a lot of anger for my H, and resentment. For different reasons than I did before we separated, but maybe even more bitter and passionate this time. I blamed him for making me make a choice I didnt want to. I know, I know, very selfish. But I am being honest here. So, even though I wasn't so direct and open when attacking him, I did. And I am sure, he felt there was/is something there, that he couldn't put his finger on. The reason doesn't matter, meaning it doesn't justify me. I was able to see that the moment I held him (rightly or not, not relevant) responsible for my unhappiness, he was getting treated with the same old "bitchy" behavior. The one I tried so hard to distance myself from. So, he kind of reacted the same way, only less direct too, since he was still trying to figure it out. Am I making sense here? Probably not.
The point is, I finally took responsibility for my sadness, grief,restlessness,misery, for my feelings in general and although he is not a saint, in this particular phase/choice, he had no saying. He didn't make me do anything. It was me and myself that made the decision. I guess it was time for me to..."man up". I am not "done" yet. I dont think I will ever be in a sense. But at least, I know better not to let that affect me in destructive ways. I am not making any sense, am I? Forget it...
H has been calling every couple of hours about the kids. I so wish they get better soon. I plan to start "leading" as soon as they feel better. Right now, noone can babysit for me, we are actually on "quarantine" due to my dad and that makes it hard. Poor kids have this fever since Wed my D and since Sat my S and they are starting to look like ghosts...
I feel better. Much better. I can see light at the end of the tunnel. And by that I mean, that this time it feels I will be doing things "correctly" and no matter what the outcome will be, I will find peace in my heart and mind. Soon now. K
I'm so proud of you and very happy you've been able to come to this realization before things progressed.
You do have choices and you are responsible for your actions. I've had to learn that too and I know how difficult it is to grasp. We'll all figure it out when it is our time to understand things.
It is your time now. I'm looking forward to seeing you move forward and grow.
Your H is a lucky man b/c you've been able to work on yourself in time to help salvage your M.
Hi Gorgeous ! So sorry to hear that your kids are sick. I hope they get better soon.
I also send warm wishes of peace & comfort.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Yeah, dont listen to her! What does she know anyway, lol. Maybe you didnt 'click' with her. I rang a free counselling line last week and the lady was amazing, I talked to her for an hour and she was much better than the T I have been seeing. I have my last session next week, but I also might cancel.
Things are 'quiet' astrologically, until Wednesday night and us fish can be feeling a little ignored.. but things are due to pick up at the end of the week. You planning on spending the weekend with him? (and not him take the kids away for the weekend as he did last time, if its 'his' weekend to have them and assuming they are better by then anyway I hope?)
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I just caught up and so awed and amazed by you. I'm stunned that you broke through some of your feelings of resentment and were able to tell your H that you don't want to D. I will pray that you will get your wish, dearest, and that your M will be not only restored, but strengthened. You know it's what we all wished more than anything else.
I am typing this with tears in my eyes and joy in my heart for you.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hey K.. do you get Priyas weeklies? She is more astute than many column writers, I feel:
Weekly Horoscope for Week beginning Mar. 16, 2009 PISCES === You’ve been pushing past your own boundaries in a way that is bound to have left even your toughest critics in a state of amazement and wonder. Someone is under your skin now, causing you to confront burning questions about love or a financial situation. You may be reconsidering an important partnership as you rediscover your own values about who and what is important to you. Expect this process to come to a forefront over the next few weeks. There is a moment of truth arriving within a relationship that will need you to brave, bold and honest about who you are and what you want. And it would help if you had the answer first so make sure you are diving deep. The truth is strangely liberating and has the potential to surprise even you.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Al, funny, that's how I feel. That's why I didnt go to C today and probably wont go for a while. I am "diving" for the truth. I have pictures of me and H deciding to divorce, holding each other and maintaining a close friendship or deciding to stay together,and being together in a way that has never happened before... What's gonna happen? I dont know. But nothing will surprise me. You know what? It's all about me and who I am. To be cont'd...
