Hi everyone, I read avidly, but don't post much. My small thread is titled new poster, random thoughts. To sum up my situation quickly, WAH left in May, we started hanging out in July, had some bumps along the way. Seems like he wanted to work on things, but not interested in physical contact - doesn't have those kinds of feelings for me. OW in the picture, but not sure what capacity, i.e., an attraction, full-on romance, etc. End of Jan, I tell him what we are doing is not working and I thought we needed to separate again. We have a son together and he seems to be the only glue holding us together at the moment. We've had some cordial conversations since I told him this wasn't working, and had a few "family" times together (yeah, I've allowed it, so 2x4's for me). Pretty much like the past 8 months, just not as frequent. Back to square one unfortunately. Okay, here are my questions, would love to get folks input on these.
We strive to make ourselves the better option. In my case, I don't think there's a particular OW that he's interested in, but rather, he's looking for someone else who will make him happy, someone younger who doesn't have "baggage" like me. (I know, I know, find happiness within yourself, whatever). But either way, I've tried to be happier, more fun, etc. And I know many on here are doing the same. My question is this: Since it seems most of these folks are MLC'ers or similar sitches, wouldn't that mean that it doesn't really matter how attractive we make ourselves, we are fighting a losing battle, since the problem lies mostly within them and their unhappiness with themselves? When they say, it's not you, it's me, they are RIGHT. It isn't us. So when does being the better option actually work, if we weren't the problem to begin with? BTW, I'm not saying we aren't ever part of the problem since both partners contribute to the breakdown in the marriage, but I think you guys understand what I mean. I think being the better option is good for US, but I am starting to think it does not usually help bring our WAS home.
Second question: How can they turn on a dime in their moods towards us? In my case, I may have a comfortable conversation or outing with H on one day, and by the next day, things are back to being awkward. The swings are that frequent. It is like he let's normal H out every so often for a peek, and then boom, back to being business partner or whatever. Contact w/ OW does not seem to be a factor in there as I can't find a correlation. Maybe he's just thinking about her? Or maybe he's just thinking about all the bad things about us. Who knows what they are really thinking, but just wondering what others thoughts are.
