There is no way that he realises that what he is doing isn't working, it probably IS in his head. The domination and control is something that will help him deal with his problem. He can't cope without you and alcohol at the same time. That is his latest excuse. Thing is, if he really DID want to kick the drink and win you back, he would be thinking a LOT deeper than he is.
I have discussed what I went through with several people and I actually went too far the other way. I thought the problem was all mine and sought therapy and help from wherever possible. That was how much it meant to me. Turns out I really didn't have a problem, it was W, but she hasn't admitted hers at all.
It's not just the alcohol, it's the whole "everything is your fault and now you must pay to have me back because I can't live without you" warped sense of reality that WAS have.
I know it must be REAL hard for you dealing with his constant harrassment and moods / anger. That is where the detaching really helps. Only you can stop reacting to him and it seems like you are near to mastering that one.
Well done Kass. Even though I don't post as much as I used to (more GAL stuff is keeping me busy), I DO still think about you and hope you are doing ok.
Oh, and the realtor. He just said what I have been imagining for the last few weeks, that you don't look anywhere NEAR 55