Sounds like you are gradually finding what works for you. All of us here have to find a plan that works for ourselves and it's a continuous learning process. I think a men's bible study is a great idea and will give you extra support and guidance. We are all here for you
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
I think I will be signing off yall. I think I made to many mistakes.
I wish you all the best and hope you all save your marriages. Don't be stupid like I was.
Kevin
Dude, she cheated on you. As much as you are blaming yourself, she is the one that chose to break her vows. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes it is just not within our control.
Don't beat yourself up over it. Please do stick around, you can still benefit from being here, but it is going to take some effort on your part to grieve and detach from her and live a new life.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Yes you do change your mind too much and you do change directions and you don't stay the course. So your plan now is to stop coming here--- b/c people are on to you? Hello?? A pattern emerges and you want to stay on it?
NO, I mean if you can't stick it out HERE...wth??
Man this is the place you should be coming to (assuming the studying part is getting done and the GAL,etc). It's weird that you'd want to quit this too.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I guess I will if yall want me to. I know I can benefit from yalls advice. I guess I just felt like I had run everyone off by my stupid back and forth emotions and so I felt like maybe it better for me not to be on here.
But I will stay then. I will go ahead and post what is going on with me.
I have been applying for jobs in Dallas while training here. There are some decent prospects. The problem is it is hard to nail anything being here. I had one agency call me about a job, but wouldn't give me any info about it unless I came in personally to talk to them. They asked when I would be in Dallas. I said if I have a phone interview and they are serious about me, I would come up there for a second in person interview. But they said no. I have to be in person from the start. So much for that one.
Anyways... I talked to my kids again tonite after their counseling appointment. They are doing good. Next Monday night the counselor wants to talk to both me and W. So I will be on speaker phone.
I have been in contact with W as I finally did break down and want to go home and get a job. She said I was weak and needed to grow more. She said she is at peace now with me gone. She said the kids don't have any chaos in their life with me gone. And she is finally allowed to be the type of mom they need her to be with me gone.
She said my presence alone causes her mental anguish and she can't be who she needs for them if I am even around. She said it already bothers her that I will even be in the same city as her at the end of April for the kids performances.
She said I am welcomed to come back to Dallas and stay somewhere else while I get a job, but that I am not staying at the house until June if I come back sooner.
At this point its not about saving the M anymore. It was about getting a job and being able to have my kids back with me. There is nothing I can do to save this M in the next 3 weeks unless God intervenes himself.
I think I really started stressing about being able to find a good job down the road and wasn't sure how best to direct myself. If I get a serious potential then I will see if I can stay with my friend who is also helping me with this programming and sql server stuff. I could really stand to stay with him anyways to get additional help with this stuff.
So not sure where I am at right now. W said she needs more time to get over hating me. She said she truly hates me.
I see some pretty good job opportunities there. I hope I can nail one of them without having to be there in person first.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Oh yea, I forgot to add that I am indeed going to a mens bible study tomorrow night with some guys I met at church on Sunday. I am looking forward to that.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin, you're letting her get the best of you again. WTH, SHE can't get over hating you?! She kicked you out, has an A and SHE hates you?
Kevin, stay the course and be a man. It's not up to her if she can tolerate you being in the same city. It's not her city. YOU can go wherever you damn well please.
I have to say that when you posted that you were giving up the other day, I could see why your W has the power to walk all over you. You're talking to a group of people who have ALL been walked on by their W/H. But we all get the strength from each other, God, friends, etc. to continue on and fight. If not for our M then for ourselves.
Forget about your W and use your kids as the focal point. She has no right to talk to you like that.
Plus I can't believe you intend to attend C with her via speakerphone. What happens after you hang up? She can say whatever she wants to make things all your fault. Fight man. Maybe talk to the C beforehand or make sure the C sees things objectively.
Fight for yourself. Fight for you!
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I can't be there in person. So I figured via speaker phone was the best option to hear what is going on with my kids in counseling.
The kids counselor already knows that she is having an affar. I told the counselor before I left so that she has more of an idea of what is really going on. The counselor wasn't to pleased to hear that as both the counselor and I were under the impression that this D had to do with other things. I think before the counselor was on my W's side until she found out my W is having an A. I think now she is more on my side. But her primary focus is on the kids.
W says she hates me because I haven't coped with this entire thing well. Ya, I know. Ironic that I am the bad guy. She said she is at peace now. Well ya, she doesn't have to run around hiding her A now.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
A professional counselor should not be on anyone's "side". How long do you think your wife will continue taking your children there if she feels the counselor is on your "side"?
The counselor should be on the "side" of helping you and your wife help the children through this situation with the least amount of pain possible.
Well, she is on the side of the kids and they are her primary concern. I think she was just disapointed to learn about the affair and it also made her have to adjust going ahead and adressing someone else coming into the kids lives. She said a good time frame is at least 6 months after the D has gone through to give the kids time to adjust before introducing someone new to them.
But when we both originally talked to the counselor together, W just pointed out that she wanted a D and pointed to other issues that she wasn't interested in resolving. W made no mention of the A that had been going on. So she wasn't upfront with the counselor to best advise both of us.
My W says it is awkward to talk to me. I'm not sure why it would be awkward. I don't find it awkward to talk to her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
