Wow V..that is very, I can't think of the right word, artistic of you the way you talked about putting your life into those boxes..a lot of mixed emotions I'm sure going thru all of that and I'm sure as you move into your new place as well..which is to be expected and processed so well, like you have done everything else!
I appreciate your talking about healthy love because a few things my hub has done and said lately have really helped me to see how he has REALLY been thru our whole marriage, how these things made me feel that I just didn't pay attention to..so I'm glad you are having those revelations as well.
I also can't wait to hear how you feel in your new place. Like I said, I would expect a flood of different emotions, but, in the end, newness, adventure, and peace, if I had to guess, will be the emotions that STICK
Hugs to you my sweetie {{{{V}}}}}}
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Thank you for your kind words - you always have something to say that makes me smile.
Journaling
Well, tonight is my last night in the last house I shared with Z. I have made some realizations and I would like to share them.
(1) Just as we are all responsible for our own happiness, so we are responsible for making a house (or an apartment, whatever the structure may be) a home for ourselves. This house never felt like home to me. I spent years looking outward at my marriage to try to sort out why, when the answer lay inside of me the entire time. It was not a home because I was not happy and I was not doing anything about my unhappiness.
(2) It is important to recognize when to let a friend in for support. I made a conscious decision to pack my house by myself. I turned down the help of friends and family. I really cannot articulate why I did this, other than to say, my trusty gut told me it was important for my growth to pack it up on my own, so I did. I have cried like I did in the early days of the separation. Only this time, the tears were not from desperation for my husband's return. This time, they have been the tears of release. Anyway, a good female friend has insisted that I have spent enough time doing this alone. She will be spending my first evening in my new place with me eating pizza, drinking wine and talking about the things women talk about when they eat pizza and drink good wine.
(3) Laughter is such a good thing. I spent some time laughing with a good friend this evening and it just does something to one's heart - it lightens the load, even if just for a while. Eventually, the "while" stretches out into longer and longer periods. For those of you newer to this place, you'll just have to trust me. Letting yourself laugh does not mean you have forgotten the gravity of your situation or that you are not being serious enough for reconciliation. It simply means you are living your life and have your focus in the right place, on yourself.
(4) And I cannot emphasize this enough, get sufficient iron in your diet. I have never had more bruises than I have right now from packing and moving boxes. Just more laughter...
Because I am so hyper-organized (with some things) the internet is already flowing into my new place, so I will post again soon, after I am settled.
{V} I have been reading your post but not responding. I just wanted to say that you are in a good place, which you already know. I stopped to say that you are an inspiration with your attitude and finesse in handling everything. I wish you well and hope you will keep us posted as you journey into new territory. YOU have been gracious, smart, funny, endearing, warm. You are a wonderful person and will find another when ready that will be grateful and loving in ways you deserve. Would have like to know you, talk more, but that's ok. I wish you well and the best!
Hi V. Sounds like a busy weekend ahead of you...and a lot of work...but I know that you're prepared for all that awaits you - and that's wonderful.
Good luck with the move - and try not to get any more bruises. Perhaps some more emotions might surface after you're in your new place - but it will only be because you're ready for them...they could be joy, they could be a bit of sadness, or it could just be excitement...for me, moving into my new place left me with a few hours of disbelief...but now it's switched over to more focused thoughts about what I have to do next in my life.
I agree with everything Kassie said - and I'm glad you're continue to share your progress with us here.
{{{V}}} LOVE that you did most of it yourself, got to work thru all of those emotions, so that when you are in your new place, you are cleansed out and ready to start anew. I think you'll have some sad emotions, like I said before, but they will be short lived and the happy, new adventure emotion will set in!
LOVE that your friend is getting with you tonight in your new place, a perfect way to christen it!!
LAUGHTER..ahh..I can't say enough about that. You are right tho, in the newness of it, you feel like you'd be doing something wrong by laughing..watching something funny, but it is SO needed and awesome to take a few minutes to not think about the heaviness isn't it??
HUGS to you and sorry you are moving in the rain..well it's raining here anyway!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I think you'll have some sad emotions, like I said before, but they will be short lived and the happy, new adventure emotion will set in!
And yes...laughter is very very important. I am thinking your bruises are from running on those BOOTS....LOL
Anyway, good luck and have fun with the move even moving do sux in general. Go kick that new door open with those boots of yours..... Let them know, V is here and she is in charged....!!! NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
V, Congratulations on your new place. I admit to feeling a bit envious. I enjoy reading your journey & see your growth & progress. So many of your thoughts resonate within me.
Enjoy the wine, the pizza, the friend, & most of all the laughter.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Wow, thank you to all of you for the words of support and kindness. This is a truly amazing place. I have made some friends here that I will always cherish.
I am settling into my new place, new habits, new routines. The newness is good. I am feeling like I have a very new approach to my life. The destabilization that the end of my marriage brought into my life, now that the dust is really starting to settle, has made me realize that getting one's life shaken up a bit can be a really good thing. I am remembering goals and dreams that I had long ago put away as unattainable. There is something about the reality of sitting in an apartment, by oneself, surrounded by familiar possessions but nothing else known, that makes one realize ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
I am also realizing that I am ready to have some fun. I just want to be happy. I want to be excited, challenged and to enjoy things and people.
Another thing I am learning about myself: I can do a lot all by myself. This may sound trivial to some, but, if you know me at all, this is a big deal for me. I have stepped up and solve all manner of problems I would have left to Z. It feels incredibly empowering. Independence is incredibly sweet.
Now if I can just figure out what the hell is making that chirping noise at night...did I mention new sounds, too?
