Saw H yesterday, we got together to discuss our house situation over lunch.
He was being nice, but on a friendly level. Asking me questions to fill the quietness, ex: "how have you been", "how is your family" It was funny, I kept catching him staring at me. I have to admit I looked pretty good so I cant blame him. I always make sure I walk in front of him so he can see how many guys check me out! LOL Hey, it makes me feel better.
He was house sitting at his aunts house. I went inside to use the restroom and sat in the living room for a few minutes. I don't know what I was waiting for. Maybe an invitation from him for me to stay (I should have known THAT was not going to happen!)..but when he turned the xbox on and didn't seem to care, my thoughts were yelling at me "leave! leave!"
So I got up and said I was leaving. He seemed a little surprised and said "oh, ok, well let me walk you out." Which he did with a half-ass side hug goodbye.
I have been feeling more emotional lately, but more in a way of accepting what is happening. Now that I have turned in the papers, everything is real, and I have started thinking about my new life. Possibly being with someone else in the future, being on my own. Its scary but its the reality of the sitch.
I continue to pray everyday. I know nothing is impossible for god and if I am suppose to be with H, I will be. For now it is just getting through the loss.
