Still here......

[Belle]

Feeling kind of sad today, but it's a Monday so what do I expect????

Went to my psychologist today. I don't know if that's what's bringing me down or what. I told her what my H said - "You need to stand up for myself more, I've always told you that".

She found that very interesting and said that he thinks he can walk all over me.....

Kind of made me feel bad in that I have been letting him and now I am really regretting our last conversation where I did damage. Again, what an idiot I am.

I know these kind of thoughts are bad for my self-esteem.

And she also talked about the fact that if H is not willing to give our M his all, then sad to say but I deserve better than that.

I hadn't thought of that - if H does approach me, I am expecting an attitude of "We'll see how it goes." (Perhaps that is even expecting too much out of him!!!)

That's not good enough for me.

But according to DBing, is that what I should take and see where it goes? I don't think so. But, I'm sure there are plenty of people on these boards who would like to hear even that.....But the "plenty of people on these boards" shouldn't influence my decision.

I know this is all speculation and I shouldn't be focused on this. I should be focused on myself and bettering myself. But in a way, I think this is bettering myself because I've got to learn to not take any crap!

I've been having real bad thoughts today - saying "I hate him and I hate what he's done to us".

I don't like to hear that in my mind.......

Gosh, this is going to be such a long road (either way!), sometimes it is just so overwhelming!