He's not her kid...he's the father of her children and they are seeing all this insanity...and meanness. And utter lack of accountability or acknowledgement that there is a problem. In a few short short years, your boys will start drinking...think about that.
Breakaway, you do what you gotta do for YOU and your kids....and we can all sincerely pray that your h gets well. But he is not well now and he chooses not to be well.
As you know, I've had some deaths of loved ones lately. Life is short. Don't spend too much of a finite, undetermined but precious resource -TIME ON EARTH - on someone who will probably never wake up. And if they can wake up, it'll probably take you leaving him to make that happen. I feel a sense of urgency I didn't feel before this year. A sense that I have to make my life what it can be, and stop the "waiting" for whatever...the other shoe to drop?? The magic lottery? I've wasted so much of my life trying to control the uncontrollable, or assuming responsibility for things that didn't belong to me and were NOT mine to handle...
Recall my gf neighbor who dropped dead with 4 little kids? And My brother? Well, Tomorrow is promised to no one. We shouldn't assume we have another 40 years here on earth b/c we might not.
How do you want to spend the rest of whatever time you have? Waiting for him to not be home so you can relax, only to tense up when he comes home again? Do you want to be calling your gf in 20 years with similar questions about whether you can spend the night at their house b/c he's getting nasty again? OR, would you like to be getting a real life of your own, with your values dictating how your day goes?
I'm all for saving marriages...but you gotta live to do that, and he scares me. Drunk or no drunk, he's a big guy with a big temper and you have two boys who learn something "new" each day from him, about what it means to be a "drinking man". and they see that he gets to do whatever he wants to do no matter how mean, whenever he has a "hard day" as determined by him and without any warning to others...and he gets to ignore the bad things he did, when he's in a good mood and no one can bring up the bad times...or "THEY'LL spoil the mood...
Growing up in an alcoholic home, yes, been there, done that. No thanks.
Sorry honey, but I just can't handle people telling you that you have to get him to stop drinking b/c it is not your job and besides, it AIN'T GOING TO HAPPEN...at least not by staying with him. Has that worked yet? NO it has not. There's no "exact wording" or magic phrases to say. You are an articulate woman who has expressed herself well. He knows what you want and need. He KNOWS...and he has chosen not to do it. For years. So I go back to my new mantra; life is short. Make yourself happy. No one else can or will.
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
