I walked away

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi SarahG,

From reading what you have posted above, there are some possibilities that come to my mind:

1) That he really is too busy and cannot find the time to meet with you

2) He is playing games with you, telling you one thing and then doing another to 'control' you - being passive aggressive

3) He has no idea what he is doing and is bumbling along your M, sticking his head in the sand and hoping everything will turn out in the end

From your expereience with your H, what is your gut feeling? Which do you think it is? BTW, when you met for coffee and gave your ultimatum, how did you present yourself? Were you angry, resigned, matter-of-fact, cheerful, like you didn't really care of that outcome was?

Believe it or not, you are in a marketing role. Your product is YOU. Imagine you are watching a commercial on TV, would you be more attracted to a product if the ad had a sense of humor, cheerful smiling people who are having fun? Or would you be attracted to an angry ad with people scowling at the camera?

Just my two cents, sorry. I have been in your shoes in one year now and I finally realized that acting 'as if' is about marketing as well. We can't change the other person and make them 'get it' by talking with them, if it had worked, then it would have worked years ago. No, we have to do something different. That something is called manipulation. There is a negative connotation with this word in our society but I think it doesn't deserve it.

I think manipulation is a form of communication that is done without using speech. Rather, it is by action. I think all women should have a class in this new form of communication. We would be saved a lot of grief and our H's would never complain that we nag or complain too much.

I am going to read up on this subject but just thought I would share some food for thought.

BTW, go to the therapist. Remember, how you are marketing yourself (in the session as well) and don't nag anymore. If you find that you have to repeat anything, your H will see it as nagging even if your tone of voice or your manner is not nagging in my book.