Like everyone else says it stinks. I have a wife that has told me she settled and cna do better, I abused her for 10 years, and she is tired of being the breadwiner of the family, she never loved me and knows there is someone better out there. This is all after I left a position and took a paycut so she could take a promotion that she coveeted at the time.
I have read all the books you list and look back and could give you a list of all the things I did wrong in our relationship. A list of all the things that I wish I could do over. My guilt actually affected me longer than the loss of my wife.
You are going through the same as everyone else but you have them to help you through it faster. The people on this site are god sent.
It was your wife's choice. The two things that helped me get through it quicker and get to a place where I know I will be okay either way
1. Look at the realationship your spouse has with your kids as compared to the your relationship with them. My daughter would pick me 9 out of 10 times. That is proof that my wife is in an ugly place because she use to adore my daughter. Now she refers to her as the 'kid'and only talks about the stress.
2. Take those same books that you have read. And imbed your wife into them where you keep putting yourself. I will guarantee that your wife did as much damage tothe marriage as you did. The diference is you aare in a place that you want to learn while she is not. I bet if you do this you will see that the marriage/wife you are missing is the one from several years ago...not the one from the last year.
I feel your pain and have been going through it for the last 5 months. However I am finally starting to understand the guilt means nothing since the person I married won't give me a chance to try again. It is all on her back. And I don't want to go back to the way it was last year. If I can't go back 2-3 years then I want to go forward.
