Baggy - I have to 100% agree with you, that it takes a woman some time to really find within her the areas that are turned on by oral, both giving and receiving. It is very intimate, almost TOO intimate, and therefore, intimidating.
I was never into it with my ex-h. I did do it though, as I loved him and I loved the way it made him feel. I wished I could have enjoyed it, and I tried several ways to find enjoyment out of it (ie: get a can of whipped cream and be playful, play strip/oral poker, have a few drinks first, etc)...but no matter how I would try, I still didn't enjoy it that much, other than enjoying that I was making him feel good.
In my current relationship, upfront I told him I wasn't that into it. He didn't say anything in response, just respected that I had said that. He said he enjoys it but its not a deal breaker if I don't. We went on that way for several months, and he never asked or even hinted about it during that time. Then one time I decided "oh what the heck..." and just went for it, unsolicited. He was so happy, because I chose to give him this gift. After that I was kinda like "hmm....that was curiously a turn on...I'm gonna try that again"....
From there I have loved it ever since, and he is happy, too. But the key for me was that he could have gone without it. Self-assured-ness is so sexy! He would not have asked for it NOR have pouted if I never really wanted to do it. He may have felt a loss, but he wouldn't have said so because I had made my disclaimer upfront.
And as for forcefulness, grabbing by the hair, etc....that all came into the picture as our intimacy and closeness expanded over the years. At this point, we can play just about any game you can think of along those lines.
Cinco - I get it. I understand. I don't know if Mrs. C will ever get it but....that's still yet to be seen. When you say you still can't this point through to her, I'm just going to throw it back at you again....how can you get the point through to her if you don't talk about it? I know it feels like you two do talk about it, but really, you haven't had any type of talks recently that would be good, you haven't insisted that she finish reading SSM, you haven't insisted on counseling (no matter what the cost) and without these tools, you aren't going to have much luck.
But on the plus side, HURRAH that you DID get a bj this week! Got to always be thankful at our blessings!
