I will apologize to you all for causing your portfolios and home values to fall. My XW has pinned everything on me, and you should expect to see the current administration in Washington single me out in a press conference later this week.
I am still figuring out how to word a reply to her, but I have decided not to throw stones as well. Instead I am going to tell her I will choose not to talk w/her when she's antigonizing, but I'm not sure how to word it.
I will do whatever I choose w/the ring and then give her 1/2. I may even decide to give her her $250 or so and pocket anything left over.
I do also agree w/bizarre as well that while she's chosen to determine the ring as a throw-away, it did have emotional value to me. That part does sting, but it also is reaffirming as to who she really is and why I'm lucky to be away from her.
After reading your post, I completely agree that I shouldn't be confrontational. That makes sense.
However, I would like to know what I could say that would establish boundaries w/her and let her know clearly that I will not be holding conversations w/her when she is antagonistic w/me.
I feel strongly that I need to address this like I would address this topic w/a child, but I don't quite know how to word it.
You don't need to say anything when dealing with your ex-spouse.
Keep it to email. Deal only with the facts.. no "I think", "You blah blah" no emotion or finger pointing. When you feel the bite of her words or the emotions rising, walk away.. do not respond. It isn't what she says that's effecting you.. it's what within you that's making you feel bad.
You're a really good guy. Give yourself some of that incredible love you offer to others.
*hugs*
PS.. are you still in counseling?
Instantly forgive her in your mind. That helps you own the chord that was struck. It sounds like you get angry/hurt that she treats you with disrespect. Forgive her, it's not her fault that that's a trigger that sets you off. Respect yourself.
Embrace the positive changes you're making for yourself.
Imagine if you hear someone saying over and over again.. "Respect me, respect me." Would you? It comes from within.
Now.. this is a GOOD thing because you're at a stage you can hear it and possibly do something about it.
Let your ex wife own her own garbage. Don't take it on. But do work on taking your trash out. It only helps you in the end.
You don't need to tell her that you "won't be addressed that way". Since you can't control how she addresses you. But, when she is inappropriate, you don't have to respond. On the ring, for instance. Whether you answer or not doesn't impact you. So, if you think her email was inappropriate, you just don't respond. Sometimes, of course, there may not be much choice. In which case you just answer the critical questions, and ignore the rest. Let her burn herself out on her negativity. Don't take the bait.
Thanks for chiming in. I did send the simple response and I've decided to drop the ring off w/the jeweler to have him shop it around to his buyer and get bids. If they have interest higher than the $550, I'll take it. If not, I'll sell it for the $550 and be done w/it. The shopping process takes about 2-3 weeks and there are no additional fees involved, so I'll get on it as soon as I can and get the ball rolling.
In any case, XW has asked for her "$275 so we can be done w/it." Well, that is what she'll get. I'll cut her a check for the $275 she asked for and keep the rest. I'm doing the leg work and putting in the time so I'm sure she'll be glad to get anything for the "mall ring" she purchased for us to renew our vows a mere 5 1/2 weeks before she served me w/papers.
As for me, I'm doing ok. The girl who stood me up, contacted me again and apologized profusely for our missed date. She had family issues that she had to attend to and I told her that "life gets in the way sometimes." She asked me a few times if I'd still like to meet up w/her so we're scheduled to go out on Saturday night when she gets back from her Spring Break trip w/her girls. If it goes off as planned or not, I'll keep you posted.
In other news, I've been productive at work and at the apartment. I'm actually keeping up w/my planning and reports at school and not complaining about it either. That's a good sign b/c I think I'm designed to be a teacher and I was afraid for a while that I was burning out and needed to leave the classroom.
At the apartment, I finally was able to rid myself of that nasty virus on my computer that made working at home nearly impossible (which is why I haven't been posting too much lately). That was a huge relief. Now I only have to go through files for taxes and shred what I no longer need. Another fun project, but I'm actually looking forward to doing it.
Finally, I'm back exercising again and it feels good to have my chest, arms and legs a bit sore again after far too long away from the gym.
So, all in all, I'm doing well and things are going good from here.
As usual, I'll keep you all posted to what's going on now that I can actually work from home again - virus free!
Hey Rob - I see that your Pac 10 champion Huskies are playing Mississippi State in Portland this Thrusday for the opening round of the NCAA Tournament. Their leading scorer is a freshman by the name of Isaiah Thomas (no relation). With the way the brackets are set up, it is astronomically possible to have Washington play the Portland State Vikings in the final.
I cant quite believe she is even emailing you asking for her $275 so 'we can be done with it' - so why even ask/chase yuo for it??? Is she so desperate for a few hundred dollars? Sheesh, me and my ex have all kinds of sums of money between us unnacounted for since we split (mainly his!) and for the year before as neither of us were on top of things. We've never mentioned it. Its so unimportant, its just swings and roundabouts after so many years. It saddens me to hear she continues to be so petty, small-minded and mean spirited, but she is full of bitterness and unresolved anger and that is sad for her.. but also, sad for you. You are doing marvellously in the face of her continuing uncharitable unkindness. I really notice that of alot of the male posters here I read, their wives are so unflinchingly unrepetant and mean... I admire how you all cope so well with that.
Hope the date works out, but I can tell you are not in a rush to dive in.
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Hi Rob, (hugs) I hope you sell that ring for 1000 dollars and you get to keep the rest. And please DONT consider splitting the money with her.... Keep your "cool". Good things are coming your way, I can feel it now... soon. xx K
