What's next???? The adventure continues!!!

[DrHemlock]

Ignore all that trash talk, man. Mine said the same thing -- screamed it, in fact: I should have left your a** ten years ago!

Okay. So Dr Hemlock goes into his magic treasure box and pulls out all the cards and notes from 1998. Huh, whaddaya know? Love, love, love, and more love.

Don't believe it, dude.

If you crack, she wins; if you lose it, she wins; if you falter, she wins. Can you go over to another shift so you don't have to drive past her place? Is there another exit to the base, even if it's the long way around? Can you get some hot young Airwoman from your department to ride around with you, pretending to laugh, while you drive circles around W's building?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ignore all that trash talk, man. Mine said the same thing -- screamed it, in fact: I should have left your a** ten years ago!

Okay. So Dr Hemlock goes into his magic treasure box and pulls out all the cards and notes from 1998. Huh, whaddaya know? Love, love, love, and more love.

Don't believe it, dude.

It's standard affair "script." My wife gave me the same line: "I haven't been happy for YEARS." This was in May 2007. So I pulled out our anniversary card from April, 2007, and our Valentine's Day card from February, 2007, and pointed out to her not only the loving sentiments of the Hallmark copywriters, but of her long, handwritten notes inside of the cards themselves. "I love you very much . . ." "I'm lucky to have you for a husband . . . " etc.

Not exactly great DBing, but I asked her one day, in my best Perry Mason cross-examination, "So were you lying then, or are you lying now?"

She just stared at me as if I'd short-circuited her motherboard.

Puppy

[AFWAW]

You know you may have something there and I have asked her about all the lies, especially those in Iraq. Something that struck me as odd in quite a few of those cards was the phrase, "Please don't leave me" which makes me wonder if she was thinking about leaving. You know the old saying about if someone's accusing you of cheating then maybe there the one cheating. Apply it this way, please don't leave me but I'm thinking about it, huh, huh?

Can you get some hot young Airwoman from your department to ride around with you, pretending to laugh, while you drive circles around W's building?

GOOD STUFF!!!--maybe after my divorce, I drive a vette.

Yes, I probably could but she would probably like that. And yes, I could go around the long way, and yes I could do a lot of things differently but I have just as much right if not more to be here than she does.

Anyway, I have a meeting w/ a lawyer on Thursday--I know I have to protect myself and my daughter. This just sucks though. So many negative thoughts I can't shake. I'm trying, I really am.

[AFWAW]

Great, she called and I tried to ignore but she called again. She wants to come over and get some more of her stuff. She asked to speak to D. After she hung up D says wife asks if she is mad still. Yes, she says. Still?? the wife asks. She asked what do you want me to do? My D says you'll have to give it time. Fair answer I thought. So wonderful I get to see her. Hope she doesn't try to push my buttons--dammit this is so freaking painful. WHY THE CRAP IS SHE DOING THIS TO ME AND MY DAUGHTER???

[marriedCrazy]

She doesn't see it as giving you guys crap; she's living her "life" and she doesn't understand why everyone doesn't want her to be happy. After all, it's all about her.

[Mellenmack]

AFWAW,

go somewhere while she is getting her stuff. upstairs in the bathroom taking a grand pooh, i don't care, but let her get her stuff and get out with minimal contact. or just sit in front of the tv and watch it. or cook supper with your daughter. i hope the kitchen is too small for the three of you. take a bath. mow the yard. run to the store and leave your D there. really, not a great idea, but is an option. but don't be available to converse with her while she is there. she draws you in with innocent enough talk. then she asks if you are okay. you are honest. then she gets pissy. she comes there wanting to go off on you and prods you into sending her off. it's crazy, but it's what it is. don't be there to bite.

melissa

[AFWAW]

Ok, so weird again. She came over while I was cooking dinner. She says hello to my daughter for a bit and then asks me if I mind if she sits down in the living room for a bit. She asks me what stage of this I'm in. I said what do you mean? She said are you in the anger stage yet? I said, I'm not sure. Silence for a while then she says I'm sorry about all this. I wish I could go back and change a lot of things. I just listened and didn't say anything. My meal was ready at the point, so I offered her some and she declined. While my D and I ate in the kitchen she laid down and went to sleep on the couch? I tried to watch tv for a bit and then went and told me D to get ready for bed w/ the wife still asleep on the couch. My D says to me, I want her to go, she doesn't live here anymore! I honestly didn't know what to do. So I left her alone and went to bed. Was I uncomfortable? yes Am I hoping she misses being home? yes Did she get any of her things? no

So, when I got up this morning, she was gone-she left out the back door. I'm not going to try to fool myself into believing that she misses me but I am hoping. I think this visit had more to do with my daughter. My question is, if she cared so much then why didn't she spend time w/ D while I was gone? And why the freak, doesnt' she care about me anymore?

I think I did ok all things considered. I didn't get into a relationship talk with her and I didn't directly talk to her about what I was feeling. I didn't tell her directly but I think she got the vibe that I wasn't going to be friendly with her even though I was polite. This really sucks and was so hard for me as she was my best friend in the whole wide world and I miss her sooo bad

[DrHemlock]

Hey AF -- I'm really sorry to read about this continuing come-here/go-away with your W. It must be like living in Crazytown. My sitch is bad emotionally, but I am more than happy to give W all the credit in the world for trying to make it be decent in the house. We talk like normal people; we laugh at the same jokes we always did. She just wants X and I want Y. But you, my brother? My heart is out to you.

A buddy of mine just got the bomb. Misery loves company, I suppose. I immediately referred him to this site and to DB and DR, but he was having none of it. I guess he'll find his way here soon enough. Or not. He's got to do his own thing.

I mention him, though, because his sitch is A LOT like yours -- only Navy, not AF. And his WAW is doing much the same stuff yours is. But Buddy's got good instincts. His WAW asked him "what stage are you in" -- referring to the traditional stages of grieving (Kubler-Ross) -- and he simply replied "The stage where if you want me to get used to this you're going to have to leave me alone."

Seems to have worked! Now I don't know if he "really" intends to get used to it or not -- like I said, he wasn't all that interested-sounding in DB and MWD -- but he's surely interested in her shutting the hell up for a while!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

So, when I got up this morning, she was gone-she left out the back door. I'm not going to try to fool myself into believing that she misses me but I am hoping. I think this visit had more to do with my daughter.

I disagree. I think this visit had more to do with HERSELF. She was coming over to do the ol' "make sure everyone's okay with my terrible choices" thing.

You handled it very well, btw.

Your wife seems terribly anxious to make sure "everyone's OK," and that no one's "still upset" with her. I think you're going to have to deliver a TRUTH DART to her the next time she says/does this.

"No, we're not OK. We'll SURVIVE, but we're not OK. I have lost my wife and our daughter has lost the family she knew, and she's extremely confused and upset with you right now. And frankly, I find it incredibly selfish that you want to make sure we're "all OK" with your destructive choices. We'll get thru this, in some ways stronger than before, but please stop popping in to see if everyone's OK, just to make YOU feel better about yourself. It's transparent as hell, and (daughter's first name) doesn't need that right now."

Puppy

[AFWAW]

Ok, I'm glad to hear that you think I did ok. I did feel better this morning because I refused to let her suck me into an emotional arguement. I mean, she knows how I feel already and what I want and she has told me she doesn't care, so why does she persist w/ the questions that she asks. And why does she think for some reason that my daughter is not old enough to experience her own feelings?

While I'm still emotional and still very much want her to come home, at this point, if I was to asked, I would probably file today. I haven't given up but I'm sick and tired of my emotions being played with. This woman was my best friend, my confidant, my lover and she has betrayed me and thrown me away like a piece of garbage. To treat someone like this is purely evil. Like you said Puppy, if she had discussed with me how she felt when I got home, been willing to work on it and then didn't feel like she could do it, I would probably be a lot more receptive to the whole situation. And that's just my emotions. What she has done to my daughter and her expectations of what my daughter should be feeling are beyond me.