What's next???? The adventure continues!!!

[AFWAW]

How can you say that? I was gone for like almost 8 months. Well, she did see me or hear from me everyday. We haven't worked out anything regarding my daughter. She barely calls during the week and when she does, only talks to D13 maybe 7-8 min max. Right now, my D doesn't want to see her or do anything and I know my wife senses that. The problem is, I think she believes that I've put my D up to this behavior and that is simply not the case.

And I am thinking too much. I freaking out about a bunch of stuff that I don't have to think about right now. The primary one is the wife--why she's doing this, why she doesn't love me anymore, why she doesn't care, why won't she try, why is she such a bitch? The next thing, a job elsewhere--it's like a fruitless search--I think I may be rating myself too high and need to look at jobs at a lower level or maybe hire a headhunter--something.

The next thing--am I ever going to find someone else? How? Where? How long from now? What to do with her? I've been out of the game for so long, how will I do? etc.

I keep going back to the comments she made this weekend too. I should have left in 1995. I left you more than a month ago. Quit being a baby and get over it.

Ok, breather--I've got a job. I don't have to retire for 4 more years at my current rank. Yes, it may be difficult being a single Dad but at least I will be able to pay the bills.

As far as the wife is concerned, Mel, I think you are right--she has to miss me and I don't think she really does at this point. Maybe if I stop acting friendly with her she will miss me? I honestly think she will miss my daughter more though. I asked the wife if she talked w/ SS yet. She said yes for a couple of min. I said good, he called me and we talked for about 10 min--she was surprised.

As far as meeting someone, I don't want to be alone. I need someone. I just wish it was my wife. We were supposed to go to Hawaii together when I got back. She was supposed to spend time with me at home. I wanted to go to lunch with her. I wanted to go to dinner with her. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to hold her hand in the mall. So many things, soooo painful--it's almost like I've regressed today.

My D has gymnastics tonight so I'll be running around a little bit and that will make the night go faster.

I wonder what she's thinking, if she's thinking about us, if she hates me, etc.

I wish I could just make it go away, all of it...