WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

I'm having a tough day at work - I have to tell about 1/3 of our salaried work force that in addition to their 10% pay cut, that they will also be furloughed 1 week/month for next quarter. Very depressing time.

That's probably what is also getting me torn/anxious of her going out with her friends. That has been one of my issues in the past that she felt controlled about. I know that the last couple of times I "let" her go out over the past few weeks, she came home in a really good mood and it helped our relationship. I'm just anxious as this could be her way of getting ready/comfortable with the idea of being single again and going out. In the past I was worried she was seeing someone else or would meet someone else or was looking for someone else. Very irrational thought process. I guess I still haven't been able to get that anxiety under control. Particularly, as that would be exactly what she would do if we were divorced.

I'm trying to recompose myself (don't want to lose my DB orange belt) before I see her.

Other thing is to decide what to say in counseling tonite.

I was thinking about saying a little of what stuck and what others have said in various other threads suggested:

I feel like I've gotten alot out the sessions as I have been very open to find out what was wrong with me. And these have been reflected in my changes. Last Weds our oldest son really drove it home to me when he commented about how I was acting differently. When I asked him in a good way or bad way? He said definitely a good way. That's when it really hit me why I was making these changes and it really reinforces that I need to make sure these changes becomes habits.

I still believe in the marriage and that the relationship can work, but right now she doesn't feel that way as she has choosen to hold onto her anger/resentment and not work on the relationship (she said that to me Sat nite).

I will always be sorry for how I've hurt her emotionally in the past and I've appologized for that. I know that regardless of the path that we head down we will always have a relationship because of our kids. I feel we will both need to be able to let go our anger/resentment to make sure we have a relationship where our kids will always feel loved by both parents.

What do you think? Too much Hallmark? Too confrontational? Too much like a campagn speech? Or what?