I'm not even sure how to explain or even remember everything.
The really short version. She was rude and wouldn't talk to me Sat night at Casino night. We got into it Sunday morning about that and she said she wanted to move out and how much could I afford to give her and still keep the house. She then said I didn't have to give her anything just keep paying for what I pay now (insurance, gas, school etc) and she would get a part time job and pay for her own rent/utilities) and I would have to pay the extra daycare for the girls if she couldn't always pick them up. I basically just started crying because it was such a relief that she would do that and I didn't have to worry about the money or lying to her or anything. We talked about how that would work and I thanked her for that.
Along the way I really wanted to tell her I knew about her and OW because it has been killing me to not tell her and so I said I would be right back and called my sister to convince me to not tell her that I knew about OW and I felt better but I did end up telling her I knew about them anyway. She denied it at first but then admitted to sleeping with her but not until recently. And that they aren't anymore. I am such a sucker for punishment because I can't help myself from believing her.
I realized that I didn't want her to move out really and told her we should keep trying to make living together work. I wanted to try being friends after all because not being friends wasn't working and if she moved out we would end up hating each other forever.
She said she really does care about me and doesn't hate me like I think or she would have moved out and made me pay alimony long ago and not been worried about me not loosing the house.
So we were able to laugh and talk and she isn't going to move out yet. We are going to go to the lawyer this week so we can get our agreement in writing and agreed to while we still agree.
We did go down the road of "I do still love you and I do believe we can still fix our marriage" which she said "no way". And she said she still thinks I don't really love her be just don't want to be alone. Same story.
At one point when I asked her about a time in December when we were making out a lot and why did she do that and I know that she was into it, she said that she did feeling something then and that because I believed so strongly that it could work it made her think it was possible.
This morning we were still able to joke around without the bad feelings.
I think that maybe being her friend will be the better way to get her to warm up to me. I was have been trying to do the friendly neighbor don't be to friendly thing. But I did a bad job and she interpreted it as rude and not at all friendly. I think I did more damage than good trying to be distant. So I am going to try just being friends. Working on getting her to laugh and joke with me and maybe even hang out together a little.
I guess nothing can hurt at this point. I won't talk about the R anymore or say ILY anymore but I do feel a little more hope again.
Some how I got this feeling that she does still have feeling but is still so very hurt inside. Apparently she is getting it from all sides. Everyone is telling her she should get back together with me and give me another chance bla bla bla. I hadn't realized how many people were telling her that. Even the few people that she thinks of as her friends have been doing that. I told them to back off and leave her alone because they aren't really helping as much as they think they are.
Me-38 W-44 D8 & D6 together '95, Wed '97, Bomb 11/18/08 Still in same house
