Just so you know Fridays tend to be pretty quiet around here.
Quote:
Do you think if I finish a few life goals I had in the past he'll see I really am different now?
Are you doing them to show him... or are you doing them for you?
Do them for you. OK? Otherwise it is a trick and a bad one at that.
He will see you're different but he won't believe it at first.
And you cannot tell him your different because...well words are cheap.
Change for you and change for real and eventually he will believe in those changes.
Point in fact as an example, I have not played an on-line computer game in...f me...a very long time. I was addicted to them. And it was one of my failings in my marriage. My wife believes me now, that I am done with them, but it took a long time for her to believe that.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hey You, Bad bad day. Because I spent a good portion of day crying. Since Thursday things had been WONDERFUL. I had been back at home with him and it was as if he wanted to reconcile but just had not said the words. He left this morning for golf. Gave me a huge kiss and hug good bye. He came back around 12:30 and was weird. I asked what was wrong and should I leave, do you need some space, thinking, alright, we're getting to the backlash. And he said yeah, why don't you go back to where you've been staying..... I was devestated. I tried to remember all of my DB knowledge and skills and did ok, but he was so "I just need to get my head straight, and I don't need this now." I told him he was the one who came home with weird all around him and he said Yeah, I know this one is on me. I asked him What do you want me to do later? Do you want us here? He said Do what you want, but I am not going to think about this now, I am just going to go hang out with some work friends and what some basketball later. He even said "We're not getting back together" in this conversation. I've been trying to tell myself all day "Don't believe anything they say and less than 50% of what they do." But today has been very very hard. I feel like I can't breathe and I'm drowning. I really feel like I may just need to move forward with this and end it. I used to be so much stronger of a woman before my S was born. Before my S, I would have kicked him to the curb after a couple of weeks of this. I would have walked. But now, motherhood has really really changed me. I thought motherhood would make me stronger. I so hope things are better for you this weekend. I just don't even know what to think. A very good friend of our who's been one of my champions to saving this marriage told me today to maybe consider moving forward with filing. Maybe he's never going to grow up and how much of this can I take? Could I take it again if he has ANOTHER MLC or whatever it is again in a year or two or four or 10 years from now? I don't know. I just feel so beat down and tire. Don't believe anything they say or 50% of what they do. No matter how dark it gets..... It's so hard for me to believe today.
Could you spend some time while he is gone, getting your house really clean and trying to maintain it at that level?
Those are what my plans are. I'm going to send the girls to my moms, and clean the house from top to bottom. Btwn working full time, trying to go to the gym 4 days a wk, making sure I stay up to date with my girls and their skl work, cooking 5-6 nites a wk, and making time for my H in a non obvious way, things can get messy. I clean every single day, but it's not spic and span spotless. But I will get everything in order, and do a spring cleaning.
What are your suggestions?
Last nite he asked me if I could watch a DVD with him, so I did, he laid his hand across my stomach, open as if for me to put my hand in his, so I did, but he never grabbed it, but he also never moved his away, later on he held my leg. Things like this confuse me. He'll do all of this but only give me kisses on the cheek. Why??
I don't want to do things that may be persuing, I don't want him to feel uncomfortable or get nervous.
What are some do's and dont's when it seems like he may be inching towards a reconciliation? Is it smart for me to become a lil distant when he's on his trip? So it doesn't seem like he has no time to breathe?
(Things might not seem "so bad" now, but we have been having problems for over a yr. Since Oct of 2007, said he wanted out but was willing to try, I just didn't know about this site or anything back then. We tried MC in 3/08, didn't like it, things got better in 8/08, very affectionate and loving, then the bomb was 10/08, said he doen't want to fix anything at all with me and the first time he ever said he wants a D, and no kissing or anything since around that time or nov of 08. He's brought up D around 4 or 5 times since then, but not since Jan 15. We would have great times, then he'd say something about not wanting to be with me, he's not happy with me, and I'd say but things have been going great, then he'd say You see that's your problem, just b/c I'm being nice you think everything is fine, and it's not. I'm still not happy, and I still want out.....So that's why I'm wondering if he's "just being nice" or if he really misses me)
Yesterday he went out, and surprised me, he bought me some new clothes, and said he had this surprise planned for a while already. ???? Said he was excited to surprise me, and had it planned fr about 2-3 wks. (Friday the 20th is our 7th wedding ann. Is this a gift, but not really?)
Oh, on Sat we were walking to the gym, and he told me he wants to buy me the new Ipod that came out last wk, he said the 1st time he saw it he knew he wanted to buy it for me.
We joined a new gym on Sat, while the manager was giving us a tour the manager made a joke of liking to watch the girls that dance in the mirror in the work out studio. My H said if he comes in to watch you, you call me and let me know b/c I don't like that Sh*t.
But then when we were leaving a diner later on he says come on lady friend, after he had been introducing me as his wife all day.
Oh another thing, on the gym application, it said Married or single, I said how about I put a question mark in, and he poked me with his pen, playfully, and he checked off Married on his, so then that's what I checked off on mine.
OK, Sorry for the long story LOL....What's your input?
1 more thing, he made plans to come with me out of state this next wknd, to my mom's to celebrate my sister's b-day, from Fri-Sun.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
He left this morning for golf. Gave me a huge kiss and hug good bye. He came back around 12:30 and was weird. I asked what was wrong and should I leave, do you need some space, thinking, alright, we're getting to the backlash. And he said yeah, why don't you go back to where you've been staying.....
Hey SLH...
How are you today? Sorry I didn't reply sooner I wasn't on the computer all wknd.
Remember, they get close then get scared and pull away. Remember the Dance that was posted about, in my other thread.
It's tiring, I know, but we have to look at it as their dance, not our fault. Don't ask him questions, just act as if he was cool ,and go about your biz happily. It may help him swing back around during times like that. I'll chk out your thread.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
Positive signs, good job on your responses...except the question mark thing even though it turned out good. Let me ask you what would have happened if he put single? But you wanted to know so you playfully asked...it workled out well for you this time.
Advice, if this is MLC, this isn't over, this is just the begining. You save up these good times in your head, but don't excpect tomorrow or next weekend to be as good. Live in the moment.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Advice, keep talking with others, I'm not here all the time, and you really don't want me to tbe only one posting to you when you need comfort and fluffy bunny hugs. I don't do them : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
