Hi Kassie, You are right about not seeing the positives and your insight into over-reacting to his disconnections is very very helpful.
Here is where I am now in my thinking and frankly, despair. My H seems to want to be a single man with as few responsibilities as possible. A quick update: This past week, he asked me to come home, this is Thursday and give our friend that I'm staying with "his castle back" since our other friend, his wife is out of town until Tuesday. He said to stay at home and I thought this was an EXCELLENT sign. Up until Saturday afternoon, everything was fabulous. Saturday afternoon he came home and was just weird as I told you and you've given me great advice and insight there.
On Sunday, he was so distant to me. So, I pushed a little too hard because I let him get under my skin, huge no-no, but I did it anyway. I told him that maybe we need to move forward with the D. He needs to file. The problem we have now, or his problem anyways, my blessing oddly enough is that we can't afford to divorce. We really can't afford two households. But he said OK, if the county will take a credit card he's going to file soon and I told him to get his own insurance and to serve me at the place I'm staying. He told me today that maybe we should just take a break before we do/say something we'll regret.
The girlfriend I'm staying with....her H is very good friends with my H. As a matter of fact, they spent the afternoon playing golf together as they OFTEN do. My girlfriend's H told her that for the last month he has wanted to tell me to give up. She finally pinned him down as to why. He said that my H often says things now like "....my soon to be ex wife...." And things like that and has been for the last month or so.
I was so hopeful we were doing well and on the road to where we could create something new and wonderful, but I've been so wrong...so blind, so accomodating to him. My H has yet to have a whole weekend by himself with our S because I've jumped in to help because....I don't even have any good reasons for doing that.
It's been really really dark. How do I stop this? I've been so so stupid and way too emotional.
What's more, my H's ex-OW from his EA is crazy and so is her ex-boyfriend. Long story short, they were contacting me--but not using their own phones or email addresses, I think. I guess they did it to mess with me and each other, not really sure. But I finally snapped last week and told H it's all too much and I am so mad he brought these crazy people into our lives. He talked to her to tell her to leave me alone and she acted innocent but agreed that if she knew of anyone who maybe bothering me, ie her ex, she would take care of it. Shortly after, I guess she convinces my H, whom she works with, that she really hasn't been bugging me and neither has her ex, so H is questioning me again about it. I just about threw him across the room. I reminded him "These two can't get cell phone insurance because they've destroyed so many during their 2 year relationship. They leave each other stranded when they are mad. They break windows because the other locked them out of the house. They change the locks on their house and file restraining orders....etc. And in this most recent attempt to screw with each other and me one of them sends me the other's criminal record, which I REALLY want nothing to do with." He looked at me and said Yeah, they are crazy. And I mentioned, I that I've always been loyal to him. When I had to pick, I always picked him and my family. SHE on the other hand has never picked him and has been fairly shady. This morning there was more crap involving her. I talked to him about it, calm and rational and he wanted to appease me, so is that good or bad? I really need this girl out of my life and fortunately the contact does seem to be slowing down and she has a new boyfriend so why all the drama? Leave me alone!! But we've been talking today because of this latest incident and dealing with a burglary of our home. (Isn't my life exciting?)
And here's another question for you: Do you think your husband REALLY wanted to leave or do you think he was confused and aware of it? Because I feel like my husband really believes he wants out. He is calling me "the future ex wife." That can't be good.
