How long can you live like this? What will it take for you to leave? I am not saying to leave. Oh well. Maybe I am saying that. Just hate to read posts like this b/c I am not familiar with the good traits your h has. So I don't know what you are getting from this M. Is it the kids' safety or welfare that somehow benefits from seeing this behavior? Sorry if this offends.
No, I'm not offended. For the record, things have been MUCH worse the last couple of months...it hasn't always been this insane. Insane, yes, but not THIS insane. Funny thing...the more I have devoted myself to prayer, etc...the worse he gets...like...the answer is he is only going to get worse..and this sitch is OUT of control.
So...what do I get out of this? A roof over my head. A father for my kids. And a nice person to live with part of the time. The first year we were married was marked by abominable emotional abuse...lots of fighting...but I was a true believer in for better or for worse. I'd made my vows and commitment and "divorce wasn't an option." Plus I was so blindsided trying to figure out where the guy I was engaged to went? So I kept trying to weather it out. After the first year it settled down. No more overt problems until we had our first child...and he became horrible again...for a time. Of course, I'd just a had C section and had a new baby. Pretty vulnerable...hard to "fight back." He eventually got over it. Life stresses seem to make him a lunatic. Things went fairly well then for about 10 years...I was a SAHM...he could be really self-centered...but it was okay. Then I went back to work, and had both kids in school and involved in a lot of stuff and things have progressively gotten worse since then.
Met OM about 18 months ago...that was a big turning point. He's ultimately a destructive person, but it did shake up the status quo for me. I was ready to start making plans to leave (and this was knowing OM wasn't a possibility by then, I wasn't leaving for him)...and H got cancer. So we've spent the last 10 months dealing with that. By the end of '08, I was almost crippled by depression. Working on getting out of that.
I joined this board in October. I've tried to make it work, tried to believe he's just a DAM, etc. But..he's an abuser, not a DAM. Or he's a DAM abuser. Whatever. His drinking has gone through the roof since he recovered from cancer treatment. The abuse gets worse because I stand up to him. That doesn't work.
So here I sit. The fricking cancer situation drained a lot of our money. A year ago I could have walked out and been okay. Not so much now. I don't have a job. I am working on that. It's hard to get things in order because I am still emotionally shaky, and he is still trying to control my options.
His good traits? He's a great guy, can be fun, he's very industrious, involved with the kids...that's who he is part of the time. He has to be kept happy or we all we pay. That's who is most of the time.
