Hi MB. I wonder if it would be best to go slower than that? I'm sure you're trying to go the whole distance, but would it be better to just try and build what you have already built to?
What I'm thinking is that going to the flirting and shoulder rub might be the extent you should go for now. In fact, ending it if H tries to go further might be a good idea, although you'd have to make that call when you are faced with it.
What do you think?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
BUT, I've decided I'm not doing ANYTHING remotely close to initiating anything physically (even a fingernail caress! LOL) until I've lost 15 pounds. I had to put on some warmer weather clothing this weekend. WTH happened? It's easy to hide a "little' extra under denim and sweaters.
So, that's my answer.
And, with that loss of weight, I feel will come confidence.
H is still making overtures to spend some time together, still being pleasant, but still has a wall up.
The time I need to lose the weight, will help in this.
I may end up forcing the issue by then. I'm just about done with this type of M. Don't worry... it'll take a little while. No wild decisions coming from this end. But, there's a point where this is just NOT happening anymore. Figure it out, dude.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I recognize that thought process. I recognize it as you beginning to turn a corner and heal thyself. It's early yet, but I see it in your thoughts and writings.
I think that's scary and good at the same time. You need to do it. You need to recognize that you can only control you and your thoughts and that he'll have to be responsible for himself and his actions.
It's not going to stay this way. You know that.
Don't lose sight of your love for him, but enjoy the time in your thoughts and with the weight loss and with doing things for you. You'll feel better about yourself which is a good thing. Be healthy about it though!
I sense that you are truly detaching. Scary. But healthy and necessary. Your confidence is already better
Oh. Don't forget to take before and after pictures. You might want to be on TV or something...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I may end up forcing the issue by then. I'm just about done with this type of M. Don't worry... it'll take a little while. No wild decisions coming from this end. But, there's a point where this is just NOT happening anymore. Figure it out, dude.
Hey MB...haven't posted to you much, or in while, but try to follow along as I always felt there was some similarities in our sitches...although I am getting the intimacy and have all along.
"No wild decisions coming from this end. But, there's a point where this is just NOT happening anymore. Figure it out, dude."
Those words really struck a cord with me this morning....last week while sitting with my wife, having a couple of drinks, we ended up in an R talk, in which she told me over the past year I have become her "best friend" for the first time in our 20 year marriage. She also told me she is comfortable...with me and us, and for the first time she can remember, the house feels like "home".
Then she told me she still can't say "I love you"...but loves me and always has...and can't picture us as husband and wife in the future.
So like you, but for different reasons, different circumstances and for me..different goals right now..no wild decisions, but this just ain't happening anymore.
Spent a lot of time waiting for THE rest to come this past year...think now I want TO rest.
Listen to what Mike has been telling you...step back..GAL..if your H is going to come around, let him come to you.
great job!!! you keep going and you'll be the hottest chic around! He wouldn't dare say no to an advance!!
Your H is doing exactly what he's suppose to do. Get comfortable. This is just a step. They have to open themselves up again before things can develop.
Whenever your ready to take the next plunge, I'll be rooting for ya
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
MB - AMEN sister. Enjoy the walks. I suspect you'll get plenty of release from your tension and stress out there. Besides, its always nice to be around friends right?
Stay positive! Stay moving.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Why is my a$$ killing me from wearing weights on my ankles? LOL
3-mile walk this am, and leaving the weights on while I work from home all day. We have a four story home. I may not be able move after awhile, but I'll be better for it.
My friend is darling! And, she's nice to know... Just got back from a weekend of pulling her best friend together. (BF's H caught in affair. My friend and her BFF promptly cut the crotch out of all of his pants, boxers, etc... and delivered them to the lawn of the OW, delivered the rest of his clothing to a Salvation Army, and sold all of his antique beer signs to a new pub that's opening!) Glad I know her. She'd never let you pout and feel sorry for yourself. She's a get even kind of gal. Whoa. She told my H the story last night (at our S11's bball game). I promptly added. Gee, Carla, hope I don't ever need your assistance! H said... "Me, too. I'd be scared sh*tless!"
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Humor. Always good. Good to hear your H isn't cheating either, right?
Try not to overdo the weights. You might not be able to move and that might set you back a while.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
