My ex was 3 days away from taking ALL the equity out of the house.
The kids and I would have been living on a park bench.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thanks Trusting. I decided to come over here because of his behavior people said it sounds like MLC and there would be more action over here. Thanks for reading.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Well, still haven't gotten the darn info. from h I need to complete the taxes. How freaking hard is it man to just get me a little piece of information?
Had thought about taking the kids up to his work to have lunch with him yesterday, since he was so "upset" about not getting to come see us. I even mentioned it to him, and instead of saying thank you that would be great, or anything like that, he says in an annoyed tone, "That's fine, SoConfused." Um, "That's fine?" like he's doing ME a favor.
So, I didn't take them by as we got involved in other plans with d8 friend, and guess what? He never called or checked to see why we didn't come. Guess he's not missing them that badly. I don't even want to go to his work,because I think that's where his "not an affair" lol friend is. I believe she works with him.
I need to get the tax info and make sure he's still going to show up tomorrow to work on the D papers, but I don't even want to call him. His stupid behavior just p***** me off. I mean really, I can count on one hand how many times he's made an effort to come see the kids in the two months we've been apart. One of those times was when he exposed d3 to the OW "not an affair". The kids are not even really asking anymore when he is coming. How sad.
Last edited by SoConfused; 03/16/0902:23 PM.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Getting ready to go pick up s8 at friends house. We are going to try to do something fun today since we're on spring break.
Tommorrow is looming large in my mind. Those of you that have been through doing the D papers, advice?
Even though I don't like this man my H has become, it still hurts.
Got to train myself not to cry. I always end up crying even though I try so hard not to.
Like some others, I feel like I am failing my kids. I know that I have tried, and can't do it alone. S8 asked me one day not too long ago if daddy and I were getting "better" yet. I had to be honest with him and tell him that I had tried, and was trying, but it takes two people to try. All he said was "I know." Broke my heart. S does not know about OW (not an affair,whatever). H was only stupid enough to take the little one around her. Even the little one knew it was not right and was bothered. I dread the day H takes S around her. He has no idea what the backlash will be. As he doesn't seem to be able to think with his brain these days, I don't even think he has acknowledged the feelings this will put between him and S.
Think about the papers makes me ill. I don't want to pass my kids back and forth like they are some type of object to split between us. I want them to have a family.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Think about the papers makes me ill. I don't want to pass my kids back and forth like they are some type of object to split between us. I want them to have a family.
This doesn't sound to me like your done. I am not caught up with your situation, I'm sorry. What do you mean by tomorrow your working on D papers. Are you filing? Do you have a lawyer?
I'm about 6 or 7 months into a D right now. I can try to help if you like.
I have consulted a lawyer. We pretty much agee on everything so we are trying to go an easier and cheaper route through something like mediation or a parallegal. I have this packet of stuff we need to get decided and filled out so that we can decide which is the best way to procede. If we have no disagreement, then we can do it much cheaper without both going out and getting lawyers. We are selling our house, won't make any money off of it. We don't have a substantial savings. The only thing we could really disagree about is custody issues, but there is not a problem there so far. There may be a problem when I try to put in the clause about no overnight guests when the kids are present, but I hope not.
I hate that we are done, but if you read the whole situation I think you will see why I feel that I have to be protected legally. He is acting totally irrational and exposed my d3 to the ow, who he claims in not an affair, but he is serious about, but they haven't had sex... um, yeah, not acting sane. Then the next day he's not serious about her, and why do we need to do something legal?? This is insane.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
so hang in there you are new at this you may have to cry a little this does hurt and it takes a long time for us to heal you are not failing your kids this crises or affair is beyond your control you are still there for th e kids i was wondering there is now way you could keep the house did you check that out with a L anyway try to take care of yourself now peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I know first hand about the freakin craziness of all this. I hate the term mlc. Honestly I feel a crisis is a crisis at any age. My wife seems to be way too young for this too, but she fits it to the T. I believe something happens in childhood that causes them to not fully develop emotionally. Later in life a trigger occurs that forces them to go back in time if you will.
You have to understand that if he is having a crisis he didn't ask for it and has no idea what is going on inside of him right now. They all blame the spouse and focus on us as the problem. That is the name of this twisted game.
There are no quick fixes and really nothing you can do but love him from a distance. The "other person" is a symptom not the problem. Many of them turn to someone else and believe me the person they turn to is usually broken in some way as well. They can never have a real relationship together.
Time and patience like never before is the only way this comes to an end. It is an extremely bumpy road. Depression is what fuels this crazy behavior.
Regardless of what you decide, you have children together so you will always have that connection. You really should take the time to get educated about what is happening to him. I'll give you a link with some very good info.
Only you can decide when enough is enough. You do need to protect and focus on yourself right now. There isn't much you can say or do. The more he puts his focus on you as the problem the longer it will take. So detaching and distancing is very important for your sanity and his crisis.
Please check out the stuff on this link to give you a better understanding of what is going on and remember believe none of what they say and only half of what they do. Learn about what is happening and ask questions.
