You've got it right in your head, just need some practice putting it into motion.
I still catch myself doing it - "if only...". Late last night W asked me if I wanted the D papers (she chose to serve them - which I appreciate). I told her the morning would be better. We went to bed not saying much. I was soooo tempted to break the deadly, both-laying-awake silence, with something like, "I still can't believe it's come to this...", but I somehow kept my mouth closed as I knew it would be fruitless. I'll journal on it later on one of my threads. Just wanted to know that, even those who might be a tad more detached, still struggle.