Over the Shock - Detaching and GALing

[Thinker]

Thanks for the correction NewMe.

I agree - I keep getting frustrated and pulled back into the "Everything would be better if only she..." mode. In this case, it is "...if only she would talk about what she is going through, so we could work things and I could help her through this difficult stuff better..."

Still, it is angering and you have to get it off your chest somehow. I can see the pattern from the past repeating itself:
- something bad happens in her life
- she does not talk to me about it
- I don't understand what is going on and don't react as she wants
- She resents that, blames me, and the relationship goes further south.

I have been trying to think about the DB principle of changing things and breaking the cycle (it takes one to tango). In this case, I can't figure out how to break it.

The only other thing to do is ignore it. Focus on myself. Realize that she is unhappy, miserable, and blaming me, but don't let that impact my own mood and actions - basically act as if her internal misery does not impact me at all and detach until it truly doesn't. I have been going this direction, but haven't gotten there completely (as you can tell)