Polly -- I see what you're saying, but we have an unusual role reversal. She has the traditional "husband" role. Her specialty earns about 3x the amount mine does, so W is really the breadwinner here.
So "no help financially" isn't a strategy -- that's something she could do to me! How do I set "no coming over when you want" rules when the only reason we have the house is her salary?
And "not included in day to day activities of kids" is also already the case. She goes to child's classroom 1x a week, but that's a contractual agreement with school. Otherwise, it's all me -- I go to work after kids go to school and come back at end of day to pick them up.
Many weekends she's gone as well (see my earlier post).
