I've been there, but my W was not as uncommunicatative as yours. The only advice I can give you is to keep trying to detach. After I read co-dependence..., I was starting to get it, but then I had a DB coach session and caught myself going on with "she did this...", "she did that...", and "she said this and that". Noticing that I wasn't really detached.
That's what I've meant before with the DBing actions hindering true detachment. You can't control her, whether she will leave or not, whether she will talk or not. You can only control your reaction to her actions. And the more detached you become, the less reactive you will be.
