WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[MrBond]

Well just out of courtesy you should have called. Remember, while you're detaching you need to stay consistent in your actions. Right now you're at the point where you've detached, but maybe a little too much. We all do it.

Now you need to fine tune your detachment.

The next time she says that she won't go to counseling, tell her that it was for her to better understand herself as much as it is for you to understand you. Tell her that you've gotten alot out the sessions as you have been very open to find out what was wrong with you. And these have been reflected in your changes. Say, that if she is just in it for you and not to better understand herself, then she really doesn't need to be there but that you will continue to do so to continue to improve you.

Then she can't hold that as a threat over your head anymore. You're saying, well I'm going because I want to get better, but if you don't want to get better, that's up to you. Again, her choice.

With her period, I don't think you could have given her any answer without her being pissed off. So it was good that you played it cool.

I think you gave her the right amount of compassion and detachment. If she starts an argument again, just tell her that according to her she's had a looong time to think things out whereby she's only given you a few weeks. It's all her driving the train and you've been pulled along. So it's only understandable that she gives you the same amount of time she had so that things work out for you as well as for her. Then ask her "that is what you want right". "You do want to be fair to me right". Then she can't say anything.

If she again accuses you of dragging things out, stop her and say that you are not and that you have already told her why.

Admit to her again that you have already apologized for the things you have done, but it is HER choice to stay angry. And it is YOUR choice to remain happy.

Again, flip it back into her corner. Make her continue to see how it's her actions that she needs help for and not yours.

I still would push for the separation and say you need it to decide on what the best course of action would be. But good luck.