Matilda, I keep thinking about the intimacy impasse. One poster suggested to me that my W is looking for an intense sexual experience, and that I have a different style. Another poster suggested that I'm withholding, and that I need to just do it, and get over my hangups.
I told my IC that it seems like when I've tried in the past to be intimate with my W, that it seems like I'm supposed to be perfect, and there to feed her ego. I'm not able to be honest and talk about my concerns, or have concerns.
She controls the conversation and keeps the frame as my intimacy issues. As another poster observed, sending me off to IC, to be fixed, like I'm a car going to a mechanic, does not resolve the problem.
I know there are some posters who believe this is my failure to step up to the plate, and provide this for my W. I continue to believe there is a relational component, and that the solution is being able to discuss it without reactivity.
My W is choosing to address this issue by seeking EA/PA, which makes it less likely that we can solve our intimacy issue. I find it sad that a M may have to end over a solvable problem (or is it?)
On the other hand, the situation is forcing me to pursue my interests and create connections that are mine. I tend to lose myself trying to make my W happy. Maybe this situation will serve as a correction to healthier boundaries.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
