I have mood swings just like my H, I wonder if I've caught the MLC madness from him. I'm so sick of this and I was so sure I want to throw in towel, but I've started getting cold feet now, esp after Snodderly asked me if I'm prepared for a fall out.
I know that I cannot help him or influence him right now, but I'm so afraid of making a bad move and shooing him away at the wrong moment.
Oh well, I hope the answer will come to me...
Thank you for listening and for all your help.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
YR...how long was it before he came back the first time?
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I always went with my gut feelings. It was always dead on in my case.
I too had the mood swings. I think in my case it was because I was wrestling with myself whether to hang in there or not. It is the hardest part of the MLC. It seems like it takes forever. Piecing is so hard and I didn't know if I could make it or not. Once my H got through the loss of the ow things started improving.
I know it was over a year before he came home the first time. He wasn't ready by any means. Looking back I wished I wouldn't have let him come home then because I felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time. There was so much tension.
I thought I was doing so good but I still have alot of anxiety after the conversation I had with H last week...everything he said to me was no different than what he said a year and a half ago...there is no change in him except that he said he moved on and so should I...How in the world can he be so happy with OW....I don't get it? I'm venting here...I mean I looked around my house the other day and all the things we did even 5 months prior to me getting the speech was all things "WE" wanted....we were happy I thought....that is what crushes me...I was also ready about the MLC stages...My H doesn't fit anywhere in there....he doesn't spend money, he gives it all to me...he doesn't buy himself new clothes or change his hair...he just has a girlfriend who he thinks he's in love with...they are having fun...on her money I'm assuming unless he has a credit card I dont' know about or is hiding money somehow..
And quite frankly, I still feel the same...I'm GAL, really I am, but as soon as I'm home, H pops right back in my head... H tells me we need to move forward so my kids can have closure...talks very excitedly about his other son....really took me back...kind of hit me in the heart, since there is no relationship with his girls right now...he says he's giving them space...whatever....that's just less time he has to spend with his kids....and he can spend with OW....that's really all he cares about right now....at least that's what it seems to me...also says we're just not like that anymore...he's not attracted to me although he tells me I am good looking and I can get a date...anyone can get a date....and why does he want me to get one so bad....says he'll shake his hand, blah, blah, blah, and he was serious....he talks calm, no yelling, EVER! almost and errie calm....we don't know him, and that I understand...he'll never be the man we knew....I'm willing to start over, a fresh start...I even told him I would like to meet his son some day in the future, just not now...I'm not ready...
Anyway, I had to vent....I've not been sleeping these past few nights, I may contact my lawyer...that too my husband says why, why waste money...lets do mediation...In my rage I told him I would sue him and the mother of his child for emotional distress to which he laughed at me....said he doesnt care about money...why should he...his OW lets him live there, eat there, you name it...and no responsibilities.....DRIVES ME CRAZY!! There, I feel better....
Mom, thanks for always listening to me....did your H do ANY of this? DOn't mean to sound like a broken record but I need positives right now...
MAH
Love ya mom...treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, Not all of them will "fit the mold" of what has been described by all of us about mlc. Each person, childhood and personality is different. They all act out in their own way. Yours h has taken up w/ow and helping her to spend her money. Yes, he's still spending money--hers. She's going to wise up at some point and realize he's not spending any of his money.
Treese, you have analyzed and analyzed your h, the ow and the situation so much, that I'm concerned it's going to drive you crazy. I was reading on another site about reverse babble. You might want to try this w/him. The next time he talks about you moving on, say something like this "yes, h, I do need to move on...so what's your point?" He'll stop saying those things once you agree w/them. The less you show him that you are still holding, the better. He'll stop talking about it to you.
I have a feeling that if you were to seriously start dating, he would have a fit. They all talk the babble, but when it comes down to it....they really don't want another person in our lives. They like to know that we are right where they left us pre-crisis. As for him shaking some guy's hand...he might do it once, but he won't do it again. What he's doing is projecting on to you what he's done...he wants you to date so that he doesn't have to feel guilty leaving you behind and on your own. It's your call, if you want to date, but please make absolutely sure you do not want your h back and the papers have been filed. I'd hate to see another person mixed into the mix you have going on right now and you need to keep your focus on you, your children and your finances.
My xh said a lot of the same comments. I would like and then beat the crap out of a pillow. I learned the hard way....do not try to change their minds....just agree w/them and then do what you need to do for yourself after they have board the Mother Ship for another twirl around earth.
Treese, analyzing will get you absolutely no where. Use your time to start helping your daughter plan her special event.
What Snodderly has said is so right. Each one goes through MLC differently.
Yes, my H used to talk highly of the ow and her kids. Once everything starts to get hum drum it will change.
My H used to tell me to find someone else, that he wasn't EVER coming home again. That was all the guilt talking. If I did find someone else he would have exploded. He told me that when he came home. Let him swing away in his MLC world for right now. Let it go, let it go and you will find some peace.
I just had to share something with you all. My H and I were sitting outside under the gazebo and he was talking to his brother who has many problems with his wife.
He told his brother that he was here for him if he needed to talk to someone. He then told him that he is now more mentally stable than he was a few years ago!!! LOL
His brother is the one that called me all the time to make sure that I was okay when my H was MLCing. He knew how mentally unstable my H was.
Hi YR....I've been away from the boards for a little while..just trying to get by day by day...Hey, my DB Mom....while I have gotten a life and am trying to keep busy, I occasionally will let my mind get away from me, and let my H and his OW invade my space...grrrrrr....last night I was sitting at my computer doing my project and all of a sudden I started missing H...the companionship, the sharing happy moments, talking about the kids, laughing...waking in the middle of the night and reaching over to touch someone, only to find that side of the bed empty...I miss having a husband, a best friend....H doesn't call, basically ignores me...I have gone dark...only texts about son who he has seen only 4 times in 2 months...I have depended on family and friends but I feel bad doing that, I feel bad leaving my son, I dont' want him to think I'm going away also..I was thinking to myself that I would never treat my worst enemy this way...according to my H....I dont exsist...he has a new life, he has moved on and so should I...I feel the depression, the sadness, I'm on meds...I go out...I love on my children, but how do you not miss your spouse...the thoughts of my H going on vacation with OW in a few weeks settles in...I'll be home on spring break...I've packed up the rest of my H's things, mainly because it hurts too bad to look at it any longer...I'm giving it away...he hasn't asked for it in over a year....he doesnt need it I guess...I'm only venting all this cause every once in a while I need to..otherwise it builds and I explode....my pillow is getting flat from punches....I guess I am realizing what he has said to me over and over to be true...he's moved on, done, we need to move forward for closure...I do deserve to be happy, to be the center of someones world...I made my family the center of my world..
Sorry for the long post....I just needed to get it off my chest..I wish I had that crystal ball....I'm stuck as to what to do...
Thanks for listening mom....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
