I realized that he is still trying to act as if he has control over me and the R. much the same as when he was drinking. I recalled that what got through to him then and more recently was my decision to stay out of the way - to stop being his target and not interfering with his choices and behavior. I decided not to respond to the threats and negative behavior. I will give myself a break and let him learn what he needs to learn. It has worked so far, so it should work again.
YES! YES! YES!
Kind of the same way you deal with a 4 year old throwing a tantrum. The similarities are remarkable!
