So true Karen. I think its because while in our sitch we worry about doing the right thing since we want it to work, at least that's the case for me. I think I have made so many mistakes before DB and even while DB that I don't want to make anymore. Its great having you guys here to bounce ideas off of.
Just popping in because I had a similar sitch today with a broken furnace. I tried to fix it on my own with no luck. If any of my handful of friends had been around this weekend I would have called them, but no luck there. So I ended up asking xBF to come over to take a look.
Turns out he couldn't fix it either and I will have to call a repairman tomorrow. The end result is that I feel bad about myself for having to ask him to do anything for me. Now I wonder if he sees me as needy - so not what I want! And I'm still living in a cold house.
If you have a friend you can trade favors with, do that. Or if you can scrape up the money have a handyman come over to do those projects. If you can't scrape up the money can you have the bill sent directly to your H? I've done that in the past. I just think you will feel better about yourself if you can find a way to get this done on your own.
Just my two cents.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Thanks, PH. I asked my H to look at the stuff for me. I got a date of Sat from him and told him that I need a concrete date to know and that if not I will get someone else. He said he didn't have plans and can do it and asked that I just remind him saying "You know how forgetful I am". So will see what happens.
Funny I was thinking is it us LBS that worry about being seen as needy or do our WAS like being asked. Not sure. But I do want this to have him think that I am hooked in no way. I tried to counteract that by letting him know if he doesn't come through I will find other means. But I never really know what's right anymore.
I hear that. And of course I would rather xBF come over to fix something rather than pay for it. Ended up having the furnace guy come over this afternoon and he fixed it for $105 so it was better than I expected.
I'm not sure how handy you are in general, but I highly recommend learning how to do stuff like this for yourself at whatever level you're comfortable. I didn't know how to do anything before I met xBF. He's taught me how to do basic plumbing, electrical and building things. He even got me my own tool kit for Christmas one year! It's very empowering to look at the light fixture and say, "I'm going to get a new one" and install it yourself. Most of my girlfriends are jealous of this so I try to pass on the knowledge.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I totally agree with doing things for oneself. Even when H was here I always loved doing things around the house. I can't help but think for db, doing it oneself or getting someone else to do stuff seems to be a better idea. I'm still conflicted about whether I should have asked H, I guess in the back of my mind I feel like I should have but I did and will see what happens. Trial and error right?
Ok, can someone tell me what the hell is wrong with my H. I gotta say, he must be really in love with OW. So I was talking to h this afternoon and he started to talk about doing #2, a very silly conversation. Anyway, he started to tell me that he has Lysol wipes in his car that he uses while on the road for his job. Then he started to tell me that he tells his customers that he has to use them at home too. Gross!! Not sure if anyone remembers but I found out from H before that he has rented a room only in someone's basement (which I'm certain is with OW and her children). H told me that he shares bathroom with other people in the basement and that the guys there pee on the seats and he has to wipe the seats everytime, etc. Gross again!!! Is he for real? H and I had our own home in the suburbs with 1.5 baths, three bedrooms, etc. and he's sharing a basement room. I keep saying that there is no man in the world that can make me move out of my home and into such conditions. I know in H's mind, an excuse, he is doing this for his son since OW didn't have a place to live, but is that for real. Did he want to get away from me so badly that that is what he turned himself to. Strange enough OW wants to be so dependant on H and knows that he's a sucker for his son that I think she might be quite comfortable with this since she has H to herself now. I also think H has not looked for an apartment for them because he doesn't want to make it permanent so the basement room is just temparary enough. Isnt that crazy? Thoughts?
My thoughts are that your H is prob. addicted to the OW. I think a lot of our WAS are addicts or have addict tendencies. My H was a sober alcoholic, but had a string of addictions like triathlons, running, etc. Most of them did last about 2 years, so if my prediction is true...time is running out. The OW in my case is married 3 times, and her children are really messed up. Supposedly her 15 year old D is just the nastiest child ever. On paper these things don't make sense, b/c I don't think they're thinking. I think a lot of addictions like these are negative. My H is going through bankruptcy and foreclosure. I look at it that is going to put a strain on their fairy tale. I would never ask someone I loved to break up their family and go through that kind of stuff, so I don't think it's love. I really don't.
So not a very good day at all... but I guess I went looking for it and I got what I deserve. So, I've been thinking about going ahead with processing the divorce papers. Of course, I'm not sure because D is such a big decision and the decision to give up is so difficult. Anyway, the other day I called and told H that I want him to know that I will not tolerate this nonesense for much longer and I will process the D papers eventually and if he doesn't do anything about it then I will know that he is in agreement with going ahead with the D. Anyway, today I was not in such great spirit and I was really thinking that I need to go ahead and file. What am I waiting for really? So again I called H. I know this is all soooo against DB but I get tired of holding my feelings in and sometimes it gets to be too much all inside. Anyway, I called and told H that I'm going to file and he said "OK, bye" and I said that's it. And then he said that I should go ahead and do it. Motherf-ker!!! Anyway, I said no, I think after 15 years I deserve more than that. And he said look I'll talk to you later. And of course I got pissed off. And then he hanged up the phone on me. I called back to tell him off and he told me off... saying look I'm tired of going through this with you. Do what you wanna do. And then hanged up on me again. I was saying I just called to tell you one thing and there went the phone. And yes as the dumb mull, I called again and said more like yelled that he is not a nice person and I hope he gets what he deserves one day and called him an a-hole.
So of course I went into my crying freenzy. Called my mom and she said that I should not have even called him, I should just file my D papers and be done with that. And what was I looking for him to say, and I said no, I deserve more than Ok after 15 years. And I mean that, I'm not saying that H should say lets work things out but at least something else... sorry things didn't work out, something. That is all I deserve after all these years.
Anyway, then H called back like nothing is wrong to tell me call someone about our business who need info. Another DB no no, I was on the phone with my mom so he could tell that I was crying. He said that I told you I would call you back and I said don't bother. And its very likely that he won't.
Anyway, I guess I got the response I was looking for. Now time to look for a D lawyer. This has been going on long enough anyway so it is about time to be done with it. So goa ahead and 2x4 me but at this point I really just need some love and support.
