I agree. I do need to focus on me and S. I actually have huge career decisions to make... I'm actually very grateful considering the economy...but I've been distracted with all of this in my personal life.
My DB coach says he's part WAS and MLCer. So I guess that's good and bad. I have been keeping a very close eye on the finances, and he's actually been ok to good. He was about to do something very stupid and was actually wise enough to call me before he made the purchase. And I didn't freak out, thanked him for thinking of all of us and calling me. Then I said "If you need this, then do it. We'll find a way to pay for it." I hung up and he didn't do it. I was amazed.
So I need to stick with 'don't believe anything they say and only 50% of what they do'? And I am going to be less available. I actually realize now, I need a break from him. I just need some breathing room. He's being "nice" now. Very sweet, calling me baby, so I guess that's a good sign he might have sweated a little bit when I said File already. Go do it this week.
He had an EA and the OW didn't want to be with him physically, ever. She's much younger than him, taller and sort of bigger than him too. She's an attractive amazon. But I think he still has some feelings related to her. He denies he EVER had feelings for her beyond friendship. Right. He told me he wanted to trust me over her. And I said then just do it. I have always picked you and when given the chance, and she's been given the chance, she's never picked you. She wouldn't even hang out with you in public. (they work together.) The EA OW, her crazy ex contacted me one day and wanted "let you know what's going on." Turns out, I knew more than he did about how much they were talking on the phone after work. (Once again, she would never hang out with him.) I told him I knew all of that already and he sounded surprised. I asked how he got my number, he explained and I said "Well, there's not much I can do about it. As my H keeps telling me, we are separated." Turns out Ex Boyfriend had no idea. As a matter of fact, EA OW was telling him that me and H were happily married and not to worry, he was just her friend. Ex Boyfriend then dumps her and changes the locks for good measure, or so he told me. Recently, her psycho ex-boyfriend emailed me her CRIMINAL RECORD. I just about puked. My guess is that he wants me to email it to her boss, whom I am very close to. I did not. I deleted it, called my H and told him what happened. He didn't know, as I didn't, that she had a criminal record. I printed it out before deleting it, knowing he'd want to see it. Then I told him I would completely deny ever getting it and that these people need to leave me alone. I don't want to be a witness after one of them snaps and hurts the other or worse. She used to contact me, texts and emails, just to "check in" with me. I know she was worried about what I was telling her boss about her. She doesn't really care how I'm doing. H and I didn't get into a fight but I was very frustrated after this last stunt and was yelling TO him, not AT him that this crap needs to stop. REALLY, I do have better things to do at work than read someones criminal record. I don't want to be a part of their sick games and attempts to annoy or hurt each other. H agreed. Later, H asks me "Did you look up her record, or did someone really send it to you?" I just about blew up. I explained, these two idiots can't get cell phone insurance because of how many they've thrown into toilets or smashed because they were mad at each other. They would go out, get mad at each other and one would leave the other at the bar with no way home. They would break windows to get into their shared house because they would lock each other out. He broke her finger. There are restraining orders, lock smiths were called to change the locks before the other got home....and all of this, they've told me about. These are stories from their very mouths. And my H knows them all too and he asks me "Can I trust you? Have you told me the truth when it comes to those two crazies?" I told him to listen to his own question. I also asked, Who do you trust? He said "No one." I mentioned I'm the mother of his child and never have ever sold him out. I've always been loyal and always picked him above anyone else. I asked him again, Who do you trust? He says "She has been shady lately and I don't think she has my best interest at heart. But really, Baby, I don't have feelings for her anyways. We are just friends." I often wonder now if he can hear himself. Basically, when I stopped communicating with EA OW because I didn't see the point and it was weird and told her as much she told my H that I was the one who contacted her psycho Ex, not the other way around. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend, so how would I know to contact him or even his name? So, that's a glimpse into the deeper drama here. I've told H, these people are completely dead to me, they do not exist and do not talk to me about them and do not question my intergrity and loyalty to him vs. them. Sheesh. Any suggestions....keep them coming please.
MLC'ers are whacked!!
They say the stupiedest things, mainly to convince themselves. My Husband did it too, as did many others.
The thing is you have to give him his space, let him do the things he needs to do and step back.
He already knows you love him, you don't need to tell him or remind him. You are his safety net.
The one thing you have to do is to protect yourself financially during this time. MLC'ers have no comcept of a "budget" and will spend spend spend. It is part of the self entitlement.
Give your Husband a chance to miss you, and don't be so available.
