Just wanted to show my support. You're so fortunate to have Puppy as your mentor. I made lots of mistakes when my H dropped the OW bomb, including helping him "normalize" his A. I wish you the best with everything.
Stay strong.
Puppy!
Quote:
You don't need to be "mean," you don't need to be "cold," and you don't need to be "harsh." You need to be some female equivalent of Sgt. Joe Friday, of "Dragnet" fame:
JUST THE FACTS, MA'AM.
This is exactly the character I'm planning on emulating as I go to our first mediation. Too funny that Belle doesn't know who Sgt. Friday is - guess we're showing our age!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Hey, if she doesn't remember the Jack Webb version, she can at LEAST look up the Dan Aykroyd one!
Seriously, it does really help to come up with some strong character from TV, movies or fiction to emulate. IT WORKS!! For a woman, I once suggested Joyce Davenport, which was Frank Furillo's girlfriend on "Hill Street Blues." Tough, strong, sexy and confident, she wouldn't take crap from ANYBODY!!
Good luck with your mediation, I hope it goes well.
Yes, I am very lucky to have Puppy helping me out!!!
Thanks Puppy!
H called me today. I must have been vacuuming, I eventually saw "1 missed call". He didn't leave a message. Of course I did not call him back. And, as a matter of fact, it felt pretty good.
Can I just tell you again how much I am enjoying my time these days?(that I no longer have to study.)
I cleaned some of the house today - very thorough cleaning. It felt so good to get my house spic and span. I fixed a few things and thought about a lot of things I want to do to fix up around the house. By the way, I love my house, I think it's the prettiest house around!
I'm thinking about going to a movie tomorrow night - maybe Slumdog Millionaire. I've never gone to a movie by myself....
I need to crash now as I am so tired from cleaning!!
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
Good luck with your mediation, I hope it goes well.
Yes, I am very lucky to have Puppy helping me out!!!
Thanks Puppy!
H called me today. I must have been vacuuming, I eventually saw "1 missed call". He didn't leave a message. Of course I did not call him back. And, as a matter of fact, it felt pretty good.
Can I just tell you again how much I am enjoying my time these days?(that I no longer have to study.)
I cleaned some of the house today - very thorough cleaning. It felt so good to get my house spic and span. I fixed a few things and thought about a lot of things I want to do to fix up around the house. By the way, I love my house, I think it's the prettiest house around!
I'm thinking about going to a movie tomorrow night - maybe Slumdog Millionaire. I've never gone to a movie by myself....
I need to crash now as I am so tired from cleaning!!
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
Hopefully fixed my refrigerator. It's been leaking on the inside. Checked out fixya.com and got some advice. I ended up taking everthing out of the freezer, removing the back panel, and using a hair dryer to try to clean out a drain in the back. That will be so awesome if it's fixed!!! I hate to pay someone to come out here - usually it costs an arm and a leg!
It makes me feel good to be able to do these things. I've always known I can make it on my own, this is just reaffirming it!
Right now I'm starting to read "Passionate Marriage". It's not really catching my attention, I hope it gets better.....
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
Feeling kind of sad today, but it's a Monday so what do I expect????
Went to my psychologist today. I don't know if that's what's bringing me down or what. I told her what my H said - "You need to stand up for myself more, I've always told you that".
She found that very interesting and said that he thinks he can walk all over me.....
Kind of made me feel bad in that I have been letting him and now I am really regretting our last conversation where I did damage. Again, what an idiot I am.
I know these kind of thoughts are bad for my self-esteem.
And she also talked about the fact that if H is not willing to give our M his all, then sad to say but I deserve better than that.
I hadn't thought of that - if H does approach me, I am expecting an attitude of "We'll see how it goes." (Perhaps that is even expecting too much out of him!!!)
That's not good enough for me.
But according to DBing, is that what I should take and see where it goes? I don't think so. But, I'm sure there are plenty of people on these boards who would like to hear even that.....But the "plenty of people on these boards" shouldn't influence my decision.
I know this is all speculation and I shouldn't be focused on this. I should be focused on myself and bettering myself. But in a way, I think this is bettering myself because I've got to learn to not take any crap!
I've been having real bad thoughts today - saying "I hate him and I hate what he's done to us".
I don't like to hear that in my mind.......
Gosh, this is going to be such a long road (either way!), sometimes it is just so overwhelming!
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
What I mean is, if we file jointly, does it mean anything?
Our sitch is that we bought this house together, but I have been paying everything on my own. He told me it's basically my house b/c most of the money for the down payment was originally mine. (He's broke like no joke).
He's been paying for his illicit affair enabling apartment. He's also been racking up thousands and thousands of dollars of debt as he has been taking out school loans. (I would say $20,000 since he moved out, probably more.)
Friends have been worried that I will be responsible for his school loans. I attempted to look on the internet for IA's laws, but this stuff is like Greek to me.
Anyway, I'm worried that filing together is a statement that our finances are still together - they aren't.
And part of me wants to tell him to shove the taxes up his A$$, as he asked if we could file jointly and if I could do them. (Once again, proving I need to be his mother figure.)
I don't know. I know some will say to contact a lawyer, but I really don't want to do that.
We had talked, way back when, and it may be possible for us to settle this without lawyers. At my Divorce Care class, they really emphasize how ugly it can be with lawyers. They say if possible, you should try to agree without lawyers.
As much of a cheater my H is, he has told me that there's no way he will ask me to be responsible for any of his school loans.
Any advice would be great......
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
What I mean is, if we file jointly, does it mean anything?
Our sitch is that we bought this house together, but I have been paying everything on my own. He told me it's basically my house b/c most of the money for the down payment was originally mine. (He's broke like no joke).
He's been paying for his illicit affair enabling apartment. He's also been racking up thousands and thousands of dollars of debt as he has been taking out school loans. (I would say $20,000 since he moved out, probably more.)
Friends have been worried that I will be responsible for his school loans. I attempted to look on the internet for IA's laws, but this stuff is like Greek to me.
Anyway, I'm worried that filing together is a statement that our finances are still together - they aren't.
And part of me wants to tell him to shove the taxes up his A$$, as he asked if we could file jointly and if I could do them. (Once again, proving I need to be his mother figure.)
I don't know. I know some will say to contact a lawyer, but I really don't want to do that.
We had talked, way back when, and it may be possible for us to settle this without lawyers. At my Divorce Care class, they really emphasize how ugly it can be with lawyers. They say if possible, you should try to agree without lawyers.
As much of a cheater my H is, he has told me that there's no way he will ask me to be responsible for any of his school loans.
Any advice would be great......
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
