That is wierd about hte chimney.. and also.. how does he feel about the ex being there to sweep it, cos sweeping chimneys is a pretty manly pursuit! Anyway, not for you to worry about hey. Thats really sweet letting your son 'pull' the tree over, you're such a great, fun Dad! You remind me of my Dad, he was always keeping us occupied with fun activities.
Its so great to hear you and your W get on and she can turn to you for help with chimneys/IT stuff etc! Shows a real repsect and mutual friendship and love there I thikn, despite the sad sitch you find yourselves in. If only she would go for MC with you! Did you ever suggest that? Did you try before? Seems she still cares and you have more to work on and build on than most couples I am sure. Still, like me and my ex, you cant make them open up and talk hey.
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Well, have H today till school tomorrow - went over to pick him up with a few Mother's Day goodies - something he chose and a few things from me...
And even managed to plant a kiss to wish her Happy Mother's Day
Anyway we have badminton under our belt and now off to a BD party till 4...
I'm not sure how much more patience I have left, W is making no moves in my direction at all and I'm getting very frustrated about this whole sitch. At the same time I hurt for H.
It feels like time to try something different but I'm not sure what that is...on the other hand, keeping on doing what I'm doing might be the right thing - I just don't know. I do know change doesn't happen quickly but change here seems to be moving more slowly than a snail in reverse!
I suppose if I look at the positives that might help...W and I continue to co-parent well - more than amicably, she calls me to share frustrations about her job, asks for my opinion about things, asks for help (chimney).
Is that enough for now, am I doing too much work to make this sitch easy?
Hey GFI, I feel the same way as you do.. my patience is running out and/or, time to accept that he is gone, or time to just try one last ditch attempt at something different, but what? Or is it better to just hang on and not 'jump' yet? I know. No answer.
How about some honesty? (and what was the thing you were going to 'try' and do above and then said, cant, too painful??). How about telling her how you feel? I still love you, I'd love for us to work this out, not only for H, but for me and you, whatever it takes, if theres a small doubt in your heart or regret at leaving, talk to me, else.. I accept you are gone and I let you go?
I'm thinking of doing this when I see him, hopefully soon.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Hay Ali - congrats on the dissertation submission! A great achievement!
Well...the bit above was tongue in cheek!!!
When I look at things it seems amazing that we have managed to get from the point where W could not bear to breathe the same air as me to the point where she didn't recoil from a kiss and is willing to coparent so amicably.
I guess I'm afraid of hearing the latter sentiment...and perhaps me asking might push her to that even if there was a doubt. I do know she's pretty keen on me not harbouring any false hopes - there is nothing in her actions which could possibly lead me to conclude that she has any intention of moving in my direction.
When I first came here I was awed by the story by David on the front of this site - and thought, hoped I would be able to do the same. Actually, I still think that approach would be my best chance but not sure I can steel myself for the length of time and pain along the way - that would entail.
On the other hand, I am reminded today about the positives out of this situation...I have taken my son for another game of badminton - and I might have said this before, but he's going to be a great player!!! Taken him to a 7th birthday party, with a present and card I bought and we wrapped, bought him new school shirts and trousers and taken up the trousers to fit him, then we sorted out swingball and played in the garden for an hour, then I made him tea and we watched the TimeTeam on TV. Now - just enough time for him to beat me at Slapjack again before bathtime and story...I have loved, really loved the whole day!!! Even the trousers!
If W and I were still together I doubt if my Sunday would have been anything like that.
So...just need to sit tight for the time being while I sort myself out...and not do anything too hasty or rash...
GFI, I was where you are a few months ago. Of course every sitch is different but for a few months we were amicable, co-parenting was without struggles and when I think about it now, no wonder all our friends were shocked we would give it another try, you see for them, things were settled into the divorce mode.
I think what changed that for my H was when I really started looking and feeling happy (for reasons he doesnt know) and started living a life on my own where I didnt leave many openings to allow him to peek. I was drifting away -too far away actually- and he felt it.
How are you with you wife these days? Does she know what you are doing when you dont have H? Do you share with her info about your life? Just and idea, if you do, maybe start being more mysterious a bit, you know, make her curious? K
Although one of W's observations on me is that I'm a closed book so to be more mysterious wouldn't really be much of a 180 for me - the opposite on the other hand is which is what I've been - more predictable, doing what I say I'm going to do.
I see how that's not getting me anywhere though. I'm going to give some thought to pulling off both!
If I manage it I won't know if I'm coming or going! LOL!
And to answer your Q - no W does not know what I'm doing all the time...she does see that I have some regular fixtures in my week, as much GAL stuff for me as I can manage to fit around my H-time. That is a 180 for me as I was pretty tardy about being proactive in that way.
"Big thanks for sorting all me mummys day treats it was lovely to see H so excited, n thanks for ur kind words in ur card. See you later Ill do Hs tea Wx"
This is big deal for me cos for years I would put what I thought was a fair bit of effort into getting cards and pressies sorted and not really get much in return by way of thanks - some ridicule sometimes - like the time I bought her a chocolate cook-book! but not thanks or anything like respect. I dare say it was all part of a downward spiral we were both on...
Its nice to get thanked! And to feel that it was appreciated...
