I am so sorry to be the hijacker here, but I didn't know where else to find you Jack. I wanted to seek you out for a quick question, that I think I know the answer to, but I wanted to make sure. Did your wife REALLY want to end it? Or was she just very confused and seemingly moving in the direction of divorce? Would you say it was patience that was your strongest weapon? If not, what do you think was?
My H seems to want to be a single man with as few responsibilities as possible. This past week, he asked me to come home, this is Thursday and give our friend that I'm staying with "his castle back" since our other friend, his wife is out of town until Tuesday. He said to stay at home and I thought this was an EXCELLENT sign. Up until Saturday afternoon, everything was fabulous. Saturday afternoon he came home and was just weird. I told him I would leave and go back to our friends house and he said ok. I was upset, but did well to not show it, but we did talk and he said in that conversation, as I was loading up to leave that "We are not getting back together." (Another piece of great advice I got....never give them a negative option....they will take it. Lesson learned. Late, but always better than never.) It gets worse. He tells me, after some prodding to come back Saturday night. So I did. He didn't get home until 2:45am, which really, didn't bug me. He doesn't do that often and I know he wasn't doing anything that would bug me. (Guys night with lots of basketball and drinking.) He was so distant to me though this morning. I pushed a little too hard because I let him get under my skin, huge no-no, but I did it anyway. I told him that maybe we need to move forward with the D. He needs to file. The problem we have now, or his problem anyways, my blessing oddly enough is that we can't afford to divorce. We really can't afford two households. But he said OK, if the county will take a credit card he's going to file soon and I told him to get his own insurance and to serve me at the place I'm staying. He told me today that maybe we should just take a break before we do/say something we'll regret. The girlfriend I'm staying with....her H is very good friends with my H. As a matter of fact, they spent the afternoon playing golf together as they OFTEN do. My girlfriend's H told her that for the last month he has wanted to tell me to give up. She finally pinned him down as to why. He said that my H often says things now like "....my soon to be ex wife...." And things like that and has been for the last month or so. I was so hopeful we were doing well and on the road to where we could create something new and wonderful, but I've been so wrong...so blind, so accomodating to him. My H has yet to have a whole weekend by himself with our S because I've jumped in to help because....I don't even have any good reasons for doing that. I'm so upset. I really truly am starting to feel we are at the end. I don't feel like I can turn this around anymore. It's been really really dark. I've even lost it in front of my S, which I can't stand myself for. How do I stop this? I've been so so stupid today. So emotional. I just saw him. I did the grocery shopping for the week and left S with him at home while I did it. He was pretty nice, and I was trying to not make eye contact, keep the speaking to a minimum and I could see him staring at me, trying to make eye contact. When we loaded up and left, he kissed his hand and waved it to me and gave me a pretty pathetic smile (it was actually so cute I wanted to melt) and I smiled and said see you later. Please get out the 2X4 and let me have it, but your insight is very important to me. I feel like I'm losing here.
