stella: dancing in limbo

[glamgirl]

Stella this has to be so very tough. I don't know what to say. I do believe love feelings can come back. I believe that with all my heart. I have experienced it myself. That will take time though.

I think your h should be NC with spider, but it doesn't sound like that is a possibility at the moment. Not sure what is with the break-up between them. What is to stop him from getting back together with her?

I think this is going to take time and you need to be loving and supportive at the moment. He won't be pining for her forever.

What does your heart tell you to do?

[stella_k]

thank you for your post, Glamgirl!

My heart tells me to let him go.

At the moment I'm busy preparing for yet another R talk. I'm done with pretending games and I'm going to tell him that I love him very much but I don't see any effort from him and I can see that he's very unhappy and does his best not to spend time with me. I have nothing to lose. I haven't slept for a week, I've got the hollow feeling in my stomach back, I cannot concentrate on anything and I'm sick of him coming home to me as late as possible and running out as early as possible as if it is the last place on earth he wants to be. And not talking to me or looking at me while he's here. Not my idea of reconnection.

I love him, so I better let him go.

And once he's gone I'm going to GAL for real.

(((all)))

[job]

Stella,
After reading your last couple of postings, I do not believe your h is any where near reconnection. He's still in the midst of his little crisis. Coming home was just a temporary fix to his problems. Some of them do come home again and then find that it's not working for them at all and have to leave again.

Your h sounds a lot like my xh was when he left, came home and left again. Let me put this out there to you and you think about it okay? When my xh came home the second time for 7 mths, it was like nothing was ever right, he would come and go, barely talk, was on the internet, sleeping, watching tv and yes, disappearing for hours and wouldn't tell me where he had been. We lived like ships passing in the night. One day, he threatened to leave again....I waited until the next evening and say "xh, I've been giving it a lot of thought and I think you should leave." He sat there and cried like a baby and said "w, I just don't know what to do...I'm so confused about everything." I left him alone and we continued w/the passing in the night and one night, just prior to him going for the final time he mentioned that I acted like nothing was wrong...I pointed out that I wasn't the one that was unhappy and needed to move out. He left within 5 days and has not been back here to live since. Now, I will warn you of this, if you do open the door for him to escape one more time, his anger may be worse than the first time around...at least my xh's was.

Stella, if you are absolutely certain that he needs to go, then so be it. Do not have another relationship talk w/him. Just simple put it that it's not working and until he can figure himself out, it might be best if he were living on his own. He already knows that you love him...just open the door and kindly tell him it's not working for him or for the family and he needs to figure things out w/o a lot of distractions. I know you can do this, Stella. All I ask is that you be prepared for the fall out.

[stella_k]

Dear Snodderly,

thank you so much for your post.

Yes, my H sounds a lot like yours. Exactly like yours.

And I don't know if I'm ready for the fall out. I wish there was something else I could do, but right now I see that it's getting worse every day. I only mentioned R talk because H seems to respond to them. When I act as if nothing is wrong, he becomes more of an alien, probably he's provoking me to get me to react.
I also think he starts missing me when he's with OW and vice versa. Is it too simple an explanation?

He just called to tell me that he's not coming home , he's planning to work on his project at night. He's having an important presentation tomorrow, so I believe he's telling the truth. He promised to call me in the morning.

I guess, it gives me additional time to think it over.

I'm scared of the fall out, to tell you the truth...

[Kalni]

((((Stella))),
I don't know how to help. People have been through what you are going through, and survived so at least we know that!!!

I am sorry, your H seems to be totally confused. Try to protect yourself somehow.
xxxx
K

[addie]

Dear Stella,
I really feel for what you are going through. It is such a difficult sitch.

Right now I feel like moving as far away as possible, like Addie did, away from him and his drama. If the miracle will happen and the feeling will come back, he will find me. If not, I will start my new life, knowing I've done all I could and more...

Only you know what is best in your sitch. In many, many ways I am so glad I left. I came back to a place where I had support from family and friends and a rewarding career. However the drama has not ended. H continues to pull me back in. I can't help but wonder if we might not be actively working on our M by now if I had stayed. At the same time I know it would have been very difficult for me to sit back and watch him go through the addiction/withdrawal phase of the end of A. I think I would also want to leave and let him deal with the fall out on his own.

I am praying for you Stella. You will come to the right decision. Hang in there.

[stella_k]

(((Kalni, Addie))),

I wil survive, girls, no worries.

Addie, thank you for your prayer.

H has called to tell that he's not coming home again today, now he's planning to show up tomorrow morning. Urgent work again .
I guess he's going to tell me that it's not working and go back to OW (assuming). If I'm wrong and he won't say so, then I will.

A very short-lived reunion...

[yellowrose]

Stella

It sounds so much like my H's touch and goes. This is the time where you really have to muster all the strength and patience you can find. I remember Snodderly telling me the same thing when I went through it.

If he leaves again try to let it go. I found in my sitch if I made a big deal of it, it would make it worse. Only you know what you need to do.

Hang in there.

Y

[One Day]

((((Stellitsa-mou))))

I'm just stopping by to say that I'm reading and thinking of you. You are getting great advice so I'm not sure I've got a lot to add other than the usual thing abut being patient. You're going to be a success- I can sense it!

I hope you're OK. How's the art coming along?

L. xx

[stella_k]

(((YR))),

thanks for stopping by!

I will let him go, I don't have a choice.

He's so sick, I'm not even angry with him anymore, I'm sure I can do it calmly.

(((Lisa mou))),

a success, me?!

Art's coming along ok - some of my drawings are going to Paris for a group show and I envy them,