SD, you are so right! And it isn't just Kindergarten! My younger two sons spend almost a week out of every quarter taking standardized tests of one sort or another. So more that 10% of the "teaching" time is gone before the teachers get to start. And when they can teach, they have to focus so much on teaching to the tests that they end up having to teach out of order, and focus on certain elements, ignoring other important thing, because they have to "prepare for the tests".
You know, schools now a days have way to many rules. Kids are kids BBJ, it's just nature. Your son is not lashing out, he is being a little kid.
If I had gotten in trouble every fight I had, I would not have made it past 2nd grade
If he is still doing this stuff in 6th grade, then we can talk....
Also, and here goes Ian pissing people off again....ADD is a bullshitt excuse that people came up with for hyper. The worst part is that to resolve it they drug your kid and make them practically comotose...... what a joke. Take the necessary precautions as a parent, watch his sugars and caffeine and see if that helps. Otherwise, he is just being a kid......
I am not going to get mad at you, but I am going to disagree. ADD is not a BS diagnosis. My D9's inability to focus was causing her problems at school and at home. She could not follow multi-part directions unless they were written right in front of her to refer back to. Since her ADD diagnosis (amongst other things) the counselors have used medication to get her focused and are really working with her on dealing with her emotional developmental delay. She is not comatose, but yes, it does affect her personality to a degree. I do not feel, though, that she is being drugged into submission. W (the counselors and I) utilizing a drug to calm her down and focus here enough to deal with her myriad problems.
Now, do I think ADD is over-diagnosed or used as an excuse to keep some teachers and parents from having to deal with exuberant kids--absolutely! We cut almost all sugar and caffeine out of D9's diet and there was no improvement. We tried punishments and rewards for good and bad behaviors, but they also did not work. There are some kids that this is a very real problem that luckily can be addressed.
BBJ--
In Nathan's case, I agree with everyone else--he is just a little boy being a boy. The schools need to give these kids a break, give them more playtime, and stop looking for excuses to keep from actually having to work with kids, as opposed to drilling information into them.
I know that there are many many good teachers on this board. I wish I could get all of them into my kids' schools!!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
STRG, perhaps my wording was bad... I do believe that it exists in forms. However my issue with it is exactly as you stated. That they diagnose completely normal little kids with it and over medicate a child that does not have the need for it. One of my best friends is ADD (adult version) and I cannot imagine him without his meds...... However in 75% (my best guess) of the cases with kids ages 5-10 I think it is misdiagnosed and kids end up with big issues as well as addictions to their medications.
I think in the end the point is that in BBJ's case it is probably just a boy being a boy.
Thanks all...I think he is just being an energetic boy, too. But I was more concerned with what came out of that conversation, where he is crying in bed at night b/c he misses his dad and wants us to live together again.
I am honestly amazed and almost speechless that my husband has not tried to speak to me or Nathan today.
As suggested, I relayed to him "Just the facts" last night. Or at least I felt I was objective. Here was our text exchange. A couple times one of us was still typing a reply when the other sent a message so it may seem a little disjointed.
ME: Didn't want to interfere with your trip but we need to talk about Nathan. His teacher sent him to the counselor today w some other boys for fighting again. We talked this evening and I need to share some of that with you when you have some time. Thanks
Dan: Dog gone it. Kids picking on him or what?
Dan: My phone is dead or about there and I have a 2 hour drive to the hotel. I will charge it and call first thing in the morning
Me: (I was typing when he sent the second part above) No-he told me four things. 1)dad said he used to play fight as a kid and nobody cared 2)he starts out just playing and gets carried away 3)Carter likes to play fight and coerces Nathan (Carter is his best buddy) 4)Nathan cries in his bed at night because he wants us to live together and he misses you being here and he is sad. Talk to you tomorrow. (I added that last line after I saw his message re. phone being almost dead)
Me: Also he told me last night that he doesn't pray for us to get back together anymore because he knows we will, just like he knew when God put Gigi in my tummy. (Nathan told me when I was pregnant. He knew before I did, he said God told him there was a baby in my tummy.)
Dan: OK so now I feel 2 inches tall
Me: Don't beat yourself up we will figure something out together. You need to do what is right for you and we can figure out how to help Nate no matter what happens
Now I am wishing I hadn't replied like that. I guess now I think he should feel badly and realize his actions affect our family. But I did send that reply, so it is done and can't be changed.
Thing is that was over 24 hours ago. No call first thing this morning, no call or text of any kind. WTF... I always thought his kids would be a priority even if I wasn't. Saying you feel 2 inches tall doesn't change the fact that our son is hurting and we both need to deal with it.
I haven't contacted Dan either, by the way. There is nothing else to tell him at this point.
In completely unrelated news my two sisters and I went to see "Slumdog Millionaire" tonight. It was soooooo good.
Only drawback is every time I see a movie where the man (boy) is so devoted to the girl he loves and is willing to risk everything for her, I get bummed about my own relationship. Where is my knight?
Also, and here goes Ian pissing people off again....ADD is a bullshitt excuse that people came up with for hyper. The worst part is that to resolve it they drug your kid and make them practically comotose...... what a joke. Take the necessary precautions as a parent, watch his sugars and caffeine and see if that helps. Otherwise, he is just being a kid......
Ian
BBJ, sorry for the hijack.......... your son sounds like a very healthy normal 6 year old. Our schools all have a "hands Off" policy too. It's ridiculous at times. My one son got detention for pinching another student (his friend) on St Patrick's day. Give me a break. Could we please use some common sense people ??
Ian, I'm not pissed off, but I do want to give you some information that maybe you don't know. I didn't know it myself until several months ago when I was transcribing a medical report. There are several different types of ADD.
ADD is actually no longer used as a diagnosis. It is now called ADHD. Attention deficit hyperactive disorder. There is also a version called ADHD-I. The I stands for inattention. These kids have a really hard time with focusing & organizing their thinking patterns. It normally manifests in adolescents. They also tend to have some really argumentative & defiant behaviors.
My son had always been an A/B student. Then last year his grades start to tank. He'd forget to do his homework, or he'd do it & forget to put it in his binder, or he'd get it in the binder, & forget to turn it in. This kid misplaced EVERYTHING. His shoes, glasses, binder, books, clothes, you name it.
We put him on medication about 3 months ago. We didn't tell his siblings what was going on. They just started commenting to me about how more focused & organized he was. I didn't tell his teachers either. I just asked them if they noticed a difference. He's doing so much better. His grades are back up. We changed insurance & he didn't have his medication for about 8 days. It made a big difference. We can tell now if he forgets to take his pill that morning. He's no where near comatose either.
Drugs have advanced a long way from the early days of Ritalin. Doctors & parents don't want a comatose kid. They just want appropriate medications when necessary.
Thought you might want to know.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
My D9's inability to focus was causing her problems at school and at home. She could not follow multi-part directions unless they were written right in front of her to refer back to. SMW
SMW, that's how I figured out S13 had a problem. S9 could follow a series of 5 verbal instructions. S13 could only remember 2.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
In my country, people don't know what these things are, ADD and the rest.. In some ways, I think it is better, but in others... not so much. Our friends kid was just diagnosed with Aspernger's Syndrome AFTER the school said he was unsocial and kicked him out. NO ONE looked into the possibility of the little one having a real issue, they "diagnosed" him as a troublemaker!!
First off, Nathan is doing quite well. I actually was called in to sub in his classroom at 10 am today after his teacher went home sick.
He is a bit of a talker/loud at times, but no more so than the others. In fact there are two, even three others who are much worse behavior-wise. And I was on recess duty and noticed a boy and girl literally yanking each others arms and dragging each other around playing a chase game. So Nathan is not "special" in terms of putting his hands on other kids. That was good to see and remember. I knew that, but it was nice to be validated!
In other news, I am feeling really "up" today. I have been struggling to figure out my place in everything, my role, who I am, etc. Am I the loving wife? The "best friend" you hear about on here? Or the boundary enforcer? The "tough love-er?"
Well, I happened to come across a radio program today (Christian radio) while in my car. I had an early meeting (7:15 and was driving back at a time I am usually in the classroom already).
Anyway, the program was about being a 'single parent' after the loss of a spouse due to divorce/separation. The woman featured had been married over a dozen years when her husband decided to walk away. They had 12 yr old twins at the time. They were separated for a year and then her H couldn't take the limbo so he called it quits with a divorce.
The way the woman spoke really touched me. I have tried to type it out here three times now and I keep deleting what I write. I can't quite put it in words that sound right. But she continued to love and support her husband all the way until the divorce. Even as I write that it doesn't look right but it feels right. I cannot be something that I am not. I can't spite him or punish him or whatever. Because I love him.
I won't put myself out there physically, pressure him to choose me, etc. But while he is gone, I have been checking on his house for him. We text back and forth here and there about different things. We are going to a hockey game with Nathan on Friday night. I decided that maintaining a friendship is important to me because we will always be Nathan and Sydney's mom and dad, no matter what else happens. And having that friendship means there is always a possibility it can become more. Besides, he has already told me he doesn't know how to do this (life) without me. That he loves me and wants to figure out how to work things out.
He needs to let go of the past and his resentments. And I cannot do that. So I don't have to worry about it anymore or let it consume me anymore. What a weight to let go of! And since I know I am not ready to date anyone else or even to file for a D, I don't have to pressure him to meet my timetable like I thought I did. We can just be as we are for now and see what happens...
I am putting the focus back on my kids, my family, my job, my house, and me! I took the kids to the park with one of Nathan's friends yesterday. We went for a hike through the woods, went out to eat, and had a great time. I was really "there" in the adventure, instead of walking through the day physically while mentally dwelling on Dan and how to fix 'us'....
Today I am going to go work out, I think I will run outside again since the weather is good. I am excited about getting my body strong and healthy again! And the sunny weather does wonders for the PMA, too.
I am also going to keep going on project 'organize the house'. I have spent so much time stressing about my situation that I have let the laundry/housework/etc get out of hand. I spent the weekend getting all of the paperwork/bills/finances under control. Now for the rest of it!
Anyway I realize this is a long post that isn't about much, but I guess it is a return to the me that I used to be and am ready to be again. For so long I have been afraid to move too much because I didn't want to move away from Dan, if that makes sense... But now I feel good taking action and doing things for myself, by myself. And somehow that actually makes me more comfortable communicating with Dan, because I know I am not doing it to try to get a reaction from him. I am doing it out of genuine care for him regardless of the outcome.
