I also keep thinking how I maybe shouldn't have put him out but it was right at the time, my mental health was in danger and it was torture knowing that all along he knew and wouldn't admit it.
Maybe it is EMLC or just pure selfishness but what he did to me in those weeks, what he witnessed me doing to myself is beyond mental cruelty it was wicked beyond belief.
I know I have to take responsibility for my own actions and feeling but I don't know, there were a thousand other ways he could have informed me and he choose to continue texting her in front of me. My self respect and esteem have taken an extreme beating and I know need to work on that before I even think about what I want.
I now no longer believe in true love and maybe I was immature believing it in the first place. Got a lot of soul searching to do and what I don't need while I'm doing it is more hassle and [censored] from him, or more lies so the best way not to get his lies is not to ask the questions. For the time being anyway.
Hopefully I will just shut right down and never ever allow myself to get to a stage like this ever again.
