I second what Puppy said about waywards lying to everyone. My W lied to her individual counselor about her A for 4 months or so. The one person who you're supposed to tell your deepest darkest secrets to.
They desperately want everybody to be on their side and to paint themselves as the victim.
Me: 33 WAW/MLC: 33 M: 4+, T: 10+ Separated: Nov 08 A#1: Oct 08 - Jan 09 (exposed and ended) A#2: Feb 09 - ? 1: http://tinyurl.com/mrmistakes 2: http://tinyurl.com/ckch9t 3: http://tinyurl.com/stillwaters3
I second what Puppy said about waywards lying to everyone. My W lied to her individual counselor about her A for 4 months or so. The one person who you're supposed to tell your deepest darkest secrets to.
They desperately want everybody to be on their side and to paint themselves as the victim.
I can almost see your IC, in that they are dealing with your emotions, thoughts, values, behaviors, etc, and there's a certain amount of "trying to get them on my side" that goes on in counseling. (alto even then, I would strongly advise against it, because a good IC can help you better understand your feelings of waywardness, and why you were predisposed to act on it, and prevent it from happening again if you don't want it to, etc.).
But your MEDICAL DOCTOR??? Your ATTORNEY???
My wife lied to EACH of them. I just don't see what you possibly gain by it.
I'm going to take the educated guess that she has LIED to her attorney thus far, perhaps even pretty substantially, and that her atty was surprised by what you had.
Personally, there are only a few people in life to whom I think it makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER to lie to, morality aside:
Your doctor. Your lawyer. Your individual counselor.
Yet wayward spouses almost always lie to all three.
Puppy
Yeah, Tuesday afternoon I was offered 60 days of every other weekend with D(1) if I released $8,000 that W wanted from savings. So that worked out to about $1,000 per day.
When her attorney received my case file Tuesday afternoon, all of a sudden she was bending over backwards wanting me to have as much time as possible with D(1) and wanting to negotiate a settlement.
Before the hearing, W was basically trying to dictate how things were going to go and her attorney kept making snide remarks about how they were going to bulldoze me. Now they are in full flight panic mode and wanting to "work things out" without a fight in a meeting next Tuesday morning.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Now I am sort of angry. W and her family are bending over backwards to kiss my butt now that I'm lined up to go after W for everything.
They could have acted nice all along, but instead they made it ugly and acted snide and arrogant until I dropped the bomb on W's attorney, now they can't back off me fast enough.
This morning W texted me to invite me for breakfast, etc.
The big elephant in the room... W has f'd up, and everyone is trying to figure out how to get me to back down on the D.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Yeah they are laying it on pretty thick now. Inviting me to breakfast, basically saying "take her whenever you want her" now as far as D(1) goes.
It just became a brand new case, and I'm not an unknown quantity like 99% of fathers in these kinds of cases. I have a track record as a single parent, a 4.0 GPA in college, and a history of college savings for all my children that goes back to when I was 19 and began saving for them.
W has nothing except the virtue of the fact that she is a female. She is reliant upon her 60 year old mother to provide a living environment, and only seems concerned about screwing OM who also lives with his parents.
Match made in Heaven.
I'm not even saying anything. Just smiling, being polite, and going about my business. I don't have to say anything at this point, because they are probably under the impression that they are about to be billed my attorney fees as well.
W's attorney is probably trying to come up with some way to salvage the case, because she has zero real evidence of abuse, and she can't put a documented liar on the stand. As much as it pains me to see my M on the ropes, I do feel satisfied that I'm a good father, and I'm going to do what I have to for my kids.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Get custody done as quickly as possible!!! Her lawyer is having her place nice with you and allow unlimited access to the kid to show to the judge...like you said. If you wait around you will lose the leverage you have. Remember this critical point. She may try and fool you by talking reconciliation all the while showing a long period of time where she was good about access to the kid.
The elephant in the room is killing me now. W is overdoing the sweetness and niceness to the point where I just want to vomit. Just not sure how somebody can be so fake and just plaster what emotions they want on the outside.
She showed some affection to S(8) just because my mom was here today. Normally she ignores the boys. Knowing it is just going to confuse them.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Probably made a mistake, but went ahead and cleared the air with W yesterday afternoon. She came to pick up D(1) and I asked what she was looking for in the negotiation. Told her I was adamant about being the primary residential custodian because I had serious concerns about her behavior. Went ahead and laid it out there that even though I know what I know, that I was still willing to go to counseling and see if saving the M is possible.
Told her there was nothing 'special' about OM, that she'd have done the same thing no matter who it was. Asked her if she'd advise D(1) to do the same thing if she had M problems in the future.
Told her I wasn't angry, that I wanted her to be happy, etc. I was critical in asking if she thought her mom would be happy funneling her retirement savings away on legal fees just because she was screwing around and couldn't handle being in a M.
Basically lots of things that didn't do anything to help the M, but things I needed to unload about once anyway.
Result so far, she canceled the negotiation tomorrow, said I couldn't take D(1) the following weekend to visit family, and so I've responded by filing a request for a psychological evaluation. I strongly suspect something along the lines of Borderline Personality Disorder - and I've got about 4 years worth of journal entries she wrote as supporting evidence.
So it will be a fight. Negotiating with someone who is a WAW + OM + mental issues is an exercise in futility.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Not trying to be harsh or anything, but just how many "no-no's" are you trying to break in a single conversation???
Let's see, you tipped your legal hand, disparaged OM, threatened your wife legally, and insulted your wife by basically telling her she's an idiot for falling for this guy.
