I dont know if there really is a reason to be so enthusiastic about it. During the weekend the way my kids interacted with both of us, gave me so much...determination for this. I refused to let dark thoughts and moments to affect me. And...it worked. Yes, yes, I know FB2, Forrest, Al, Bill John, EVERYONE has told me I should lead. I was refusing to.
This is what happened: facing the "end" I got angry. My anger showed me I am not done yet the way I thought I was. (My C insisted on this and I ignored her).
The book I received, "how to improve your marriage without talking about it" by Love and Stosny, freaked me out. There is list of things a woman can do to "break" her man (all resulting to shame for him). Well, I scored a very high score during the last year we were together. Not anything excitingly new, all the things I have admitted here. BUT, what hit me was, I did the test again, keeping the last months in mind and ...I was STILL doing them NOW. I was, have been doing them. The moment I got frustrated, I reverted to my old self, building higher walls, expecting him "to know", stopped focusing on good and magnifying bads and many other things I am ashamed to mention...
There is a phrase about piecing that stuck in my head: be the best partner ever and if that still doesn't work, walk away or better..., RUN!!! That's my plan.
