Went out last night and had great time, saw one of his friends and didn't bother me, just said hello and carried on with my friends.
I'm down today, I'm tired and sick of being miserable. I keep trying to block negative thoughts, really bad thoughts, wondering what he is saying and so on.
I'm going back tomorrow and dreading it, I think I need a break from him totally, I'm not going to see him on Tuesday, he will think I'm playing games but I don't care. If I see him Tuesday and he finishes it, I'll forever feel I pressured him.
I'm not going to allow him to manipulate me, if I need money, I'll text him or leave a note, I kept thinking as he always called his ex a money grabber, that I would show I can handle my own finances, well stuff him.
He can tell whomever he wants whatever he wants, I know the truth and one day he will realise it too.
Wish I knew how long the pain would last.
I said to someone how I would get over it faster if he was abusive both verbally and emotionally, kept me short of money or just grinded me down but he wasn't. He was a wonderful Husband and I adored him. I don't want to regret losing him the rest of my life. I suppose that husband is in the past and it will never go back to being like that. I hope with all my heart that we can move on but I really don't know how to reach him.
I need to concentrate on me right now, if I see him anytime soon, I'll end up frustrated and angry.
