Another Wife Rising From the Bombs Ashes #2

[Tawnya]

Well funny I read Pearl's thread first cause I too had a weird sad night and morning.

Journaling

Last night, as I was talking to my son, I was saying something about how I'd rather be at the beach or something and he was like "yeah that would be nice, but I don't want to move away from dad". So, even tho I don't have any stipulations about moving in my settlement agreement, I see now that I cannot even entertain those possibilities due to my son's feelings, so I'm shackled to my husband's moves and whims still..sigh..that's an annoying feeling. Of course I COULD move and my son would adjust, but the mom guilt thing would probably never allow me to do it..I guess only time will tell on that one..

It just hit me then that I can see a "power struggle", not that my hub or myself are doing, but that I will FEEL, like "does my son want to be with my hub more than me", that kind of thing. I'm sure there will be times, esp because he's a boy, that he WOULD rather be with my hub than me. Then I think, at some point will he want to live with my hub more than me, esp if and when he remarries with OW and her kids and they will be "stable"?? I dunno..again just things that were running thru my mind..and again bridges I suppose I'll cross if and when they come.

THEN..I guess since that was on my mind, I had a dream about my hub being here, not "HERE" but like here doing stuff around the house and I was just thinking that I missed him being here. Funny, tho, in my dream it was still him being like "you didn't take care of this..which was why I'm here doing it" or something..so LOLOL..I guess that says a lot right there So, I don't really miss HIM being here..maybe as Pearl said, I miss the possibility of what could have been..but what WAS and what IS I certainly don't want..because I know there is SO much better out there waiting for me!

Tawnya