So like all of us, I have been reading a ton of books recently about relationships, etc. - that's one of my primary ways of learning. I have also seen a number of R books recommended in the pages here.
However, one of the key lessons of DB is to focus on improving yourself, not on improving the R.
Can anyone recommend a good book or 2 on improving yourself? I'd love to hear what other people have read and really liked.
What worked for you?
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I really liked Hold On To Your N.U.T.S.--a really easy, common sense, fast read that has a lot of good perspectives. Wish I would have gotten a hold of it a few years ago--maybe I wouldn't be here on this forum today.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
It's about $15 so it doesn't break the bank. It hits so many topics and is very concise so that means easy reading. It is more of a self revelation/improvement book and not specifically geared toward seperation or post divorce. I thumbed through it trying to decide about it and the bullets just kept hitting me as so true that I picked it up.
The Bible Learned Optimism His Needs, Her Needs What Got you to Here Won't Get You to There Good to Great Wooden The Last Lecture The Way of the Superior Man
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
"No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover "Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida "Hold on to Your N.U.T.S." by Wayne Levine "Getting Real" by Susan Campbell
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
And if you've had to deal with battling depression in your life (which a lot us go through during a separation and/or divorce), then I also suggest The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. It's a book on cognitive therapy, which (in addition to some short-term cognitive therapy counseling) did wonders for me. It's not easy-reading and the book is massive, but if you invest time in it and do the exercises it can help you learn how to control your moods better.
Me: 33 WAW/MLC: 33 M: 4+, T: 10+ Separated: Nov 08 A#1: Oct 08 - Jan 09 (exposed and ended) A#2: Feb 09 - ? 1: http://tinyurl.com/mrmistakes 2: http://tinyurl.com/ckch9t 3: http://tinyurl.com/stillwaters3
I really enjoyed Healing Your Emotional Self by Beverly Engel. It helped me think about how my childhood affected my emotional growth.
I had loving parents, but I realized they were too loving, too smothering...and that has an effect too. It was an eye opener on how our parents can affect us and how we can affect our own kids.
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
Another book I have seen recommended here in the forums is "Codependent no More" - for those of us who have to learn to stop trying to be happy through someone else (and hence trying to control them)
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I'll second "co-dependent no more". It was so eye opening to me on how centered I was on my W (and kids) for so long. This caused me to stop growing and pull my W back when she was trying to grow and expand. It had a chapter on detachment, in order to break the cycle and also told of why GALing and Goals were so important.
Throughout my DBing and before, I was only interested in self growth books. Then something happened weird this week. My sister asked me to read "the Shack" and I hemmed and hawed and then finally agreed. I hadn't read a fiction book in at least 10 years, but I took it on a business trip this week and finished it in two days (and I am not a fast reader).
The Shack may not be a self growth book, per se, but it made me think of true love (and god's love) and forgiveness in a different way. I haven't totally absorbed all of it yet (need to talk it over with friends), but it was profound and soothing at the same time. The main character starts out an unemotional, unfaithful man, that has plenty reason to not forgive. Put down the self growth books for a couple of weeks and give this one a try - I dare you.
