Oh I have the recollection from DB or DR, Michelle went on a trip but she knew from past experience it wasn't always pleasant when she got off the plane and greeted her husband. She anticipated it would be that way and always acted as if that would be the case. On this one particular trip, she thought what if she excitedly greeted him at the gate and was enthusiastic about being home, perhaps he would act differently. Well guess what...he did.
I think you both anticipate the others reaction and so set up this less positive environment. Think he will treat you lovingly and see how that changes your own actions and thus his actions. Much nicer cycle.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hi guys, it has been a sick weekend. Because both of my kids were sick. My son got the virus from my D and they were both with fever. Yesterday H called early to say he was coming over to help me out with them.
When he arrived the kids were all over him hugging him, feeling very happy. And I did too. I just hugged him and told him I dont want us to divorce. He hugged me back and kissed me on my cheek and neck. He never left. He stayed here last night. It was a quiet, calm weekend and we were being together "easily". We never spoke about anything or hinted about anything. Last night, it was very late and he suggested we watch Gran Torino or Slumdog Millionaire that my brother gave me in DVDs. We were going to but the kids were restless till very late and by the time we were alone it was too late. I said I was sleepy and was going to bed and just told him to not fall asleep on the couch. He came to bed later, our S was in the middle but in the morning, he got him out of the way and slept holding me.
When it was time to go, he came and kissed me on my neck and caressed me.
Ever since I told him my wish is not the divorce (that's how I stated that) he seemed relieved.
Dont ask me why I did it (if you cant see why). I followed my heart. I dont know what's gonna happen. But yesterday, I was prepared for any way he would respond. And I felt happy about it. I knew it was what I wanted to do.
I am not blinded or super optimistic. All issues still exist. But I am just following my little voice and it feels great. K
My beautiful friend. I cried when I read what you said to your H. Don't overthink things, just go with the flow. Things are going to be okay,no matter what happens.
Love you, hon!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I dont know if there really is a reason to be so enthusiastic about it. During the weekend the way my kids interacted with both of us, gave me so much...determination for this. I refused to let dark thoughts and moments to affect me. And...it worked. Yes, yes, I know FB2, Forrest, Al, Bill John, EVERYONE has told me I should lead. I was refusing to.
This is what happened: facing the "end" I got angry. My anger showed me I am not done yet the way I thought I was. (My C insisted on this and I ignored her).
The book I received, "how to improve your marriage without talking about it" by Love and Stosny, freaked me out. There is list of things a woman can do to "break" her man (all resulting to shame for him). Well, I scored a very high score during the last year we were together. Not anything excitingly new, all the things I have admitted here. BUT, what hit me was, I did the test again, keeping the last months in mind and ...I was STILL doing them NOW. I was, have been doing them. The moment I got frustrated, I reverted to my old self, building higher walls, expecting him "to know", stopped focusing on good and magnifying bads and many other things I am ashamed to mention...
There is a phrase about piecing that stuck in my head: be the best partner ever and if that still doesn't work, walk away or better..., RUN!!! That's my plan.
I have high regard for Stosny though I am not familiar with that book. Sounds like you are on to something here. It's pretty amazing that you made a good day out of dealing with 2 sick children. That says a lot right there.
Acting "As if" is associated with this mirroring thing...it sounds as if you've hit on something here...
essentially - as I think about it in DB terms mirroring is validation - the trick is to hit on a positive slant, it only needs to be 51% versus 49% - you can start from such low odds! what I was worried about for you was that you had seemed to did below that 50%...That would make the challenge all the much harder!
But it seems that you never reached that low...that you have dug deep and right now other things might be possible...the As if attitude has potential? The trick now is to make H show or verbalise that advance himself?
H must feel better in himself for the weekend...
Have you got your running shoes sorted???
If you need advice on running shoes try Lodo on this board!
Simon x
Ps - Am steeling myself for another trip to the bottom of the garden now to fell another conifer...just need to figure out how to miss the telegraph wire ....
